IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Even though the rich
nations
 provide financial funding to poorer
nations
, it doesn't resolve their
poverty
 issues.
This
 essay strongly agrees with that statement because governments of poor countries misuse financial aid for their own agenda, and undeveloped
nations
 lack the required knowledge to take appropriate measures which can lead to their economic development. The ruling governments of poor countries often misuse the funds, which were provided to eradicate
poverty
 to fulfil their own agendas. Many governments of poor
nations
 are corrupt and they distribute these funds amongst themselves.
For example
, in Pakistan , the parties ruling the nation, use the financial aid provided by the United States of America to become rich rather than working on reducing
poverty
. Many poor
nations
 lack sufficient knowledge to take significant steps towards economic development
due to
 a lack of resources. The population in poor countries are not educated and can't take steps to build proper infrastructure and research capabilities.
For example
, Africa has ample gold but people are not educated to take advantage of
this
 and it is still a poor nation.
Thus
,
instead
 of financial aid the developed
nations
 can build schools so that people can become educated. In conclusion, the problem of
poverty
 can not be resolved with financial help by the developed
nations
 but by investing their time and effort in providing other help which are building blocks for the economic growth of a poor nation.
Submitted by ruchix2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, focus on creating a more structured and unified argument. Begin by clearly introducing your thesis statement and outlining the points you will discuss. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices (transitions, pronouns, synonyms) effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
For better task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt equally and develop your ideas fully. While you make strong points about the misuse of funds and lack of education, further explore how alternative types of support could directly address these issues. Including specific examples or proposals for non-financial aid (e.g., technology transfer, healthcare improvements) could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: