IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, it is common for families to own and run their own businesses. Some people think this is the best way to run a business, while others consider this a potential source of problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #families #businesses #people #business #source
A group of individuals present the view that it is usual for families to run their
businesses
,
whereas
 others believe it can bring about numerous issues for them. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that there are lots of benefits that families can run their
businesses
.
First,
it helps them to better communicate with each other which makes them aligned goals and values.
Secondly
, a more compelling argument stems from stronger trust and loyalty.
Furthermore
, it provides opportunities to pass down the business through generations.
On the other hand
, another group of people have a negative attitude towards running family
businesses
. Many would argue that; it has the potential for nepotism.
For instance
, they prefer to recruit their relatives rather than others who are professional and
this
 factor causes financial loss. Other disadvantages are difficulty separating personal and business relationships
moreover
, resistance to new ideas which has a detrimental effect on their
businesses
 in the long run. Recruiting skilled workers plays a vital role in business success.
also
, they have less potential investment which is a decidedly negative phenomenon. Governments should raise public
awarewness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 by advertising about the consequences of
this
.
To conclude
, in my view, family
businesses
 can foster a strong sense of loyalty and commitment.
In addition
, it is important for merit-based employment.
Submitted by marzie.ghasemi98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Consider restructuring your essay to make a clear distinction between paragraphs and ideas. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
introduction/conclusion clarity
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by making your thesis more explicit and summarizing your key points more clearly in the conclusion.
depth of exploration
To improve task response, ensure that you delve deeper into each view presented. This involves not only stating what each perspective believes but also exploring why they hold these views more thoroughly.
specific examples
Incorporate a range of specific, relevant examples to bolster your arguments. This not only makes your essay more convincing but helps in illustrating your points more vividly.
grammar and clarity
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity. Avoid overly complex sentences where simpler ones will do.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nepotism
  • Succession
  • Merit-based
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Professional boundaries
  • External stakeholders
  • Adaptability
  • Innovation
  • Loyalty
  • Generational business
  • Personal investment
  • Aligned values
What to do next:
Look at other essays: