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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasis that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasis #products #development
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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world,
companies
Use synonyms
 have found a new advertising strategy emphasizing
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 their object’s novelty. They assume that it would be a functional idea
for increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
 the selling average. Personally, I believe that the positive impact of
this
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 method can be seen obviously and I will mention my reason in
this
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 essay as well. As a matter of fact, humankind has a curious nature which demands to explore new things. Individuals desire to look into novel stuff even for one time. The chance of absorbing a permanent customer might
be rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 counting on
this
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 tendency.
Thus
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 invest in
this
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 characteristic of the human to make a jumping trend of selling for themselves even though, at times they abuse
this
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 issue and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pretend that a modern feature exists in their objects. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 competitive market forces
companies
Use synonyms
 to improve the quality and quantity of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 products manufactured in their sectors. They have to seek updated versions of materials and methods for staying in
this
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 competition.
Therefore
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, they increase the level of science and innovation in their works and it leads to a profitable cycle for their region and themselves.
For instance
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, the owners of the food factories in Fars province utilized nanotechnology in their products in 2019 to develop them. They have improved their selling volume at the international level by creating a new nano-formula which has numerous positive influences on user’s digestion.
To sum up
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,
although
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 use
this
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 behavioural feature of humans as a commercial trap for earning more money, it may cause a progressive and dynamic atmosphere in the industry.
Submitted by justpersia20414 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion more explicitly outline your main points and stance on the topic. This helps to guide the reader through your essay.
Logical Structure
Use clear and logical transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
Supported Main Points
Support all your claims with specific examples or evidence. While you provided an example with the food factories, including more could strengthen your argument.
Complete Response
Address the task directly by making sure that every part of the question is answered comprehensively. While you gave reasons and opinions, expanding on the negative aspects could provide a more balanced view.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Develop your ideas fully to maintain the interest of the reader. While your essay had clear ideas, elaborating on each with more details can enhance comprehension and engagement.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments. This allows the reader to understand your points more clearly and adds weight to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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