some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead

#people #parents #place #restrictions #hours #children #tv #computer #games #time #books

It would be better if folks put an effort to prevent their children from wasting their

valuabe

Correct your spelling

valuable

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching animations or playing video

gamesand

Correct your spelling

games and

encourage them to keep in touch with books where they can get knowledge.In the following statement,

Change the capitalization

show examples

will get my point

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

further

on.

To begin

with .I completely

agreewith

Correct your spelling

agree with

consemptions

Correct your spelling

conclusions

about

educaion

Correct your spelling

education

rather than

consuming

Verb problem

spending

show examples

time on TV programmes, because

as a result

of envolving

Change preposition

show examples

games

youngesters

Replace the word

young people

show examples

usually harm their eyesight,

staying

Wrong verb form

stay

show examples

away from

social

Add an article

the social

show examples

world,

as well as

, lose contact

between

Change preposition

with

show examples

their relatives. Another

pros

Fix the agreement mistake

pro

show examples

sides are they may face difficulties in case of improving social and

acedemic

Correct your spelling

academic

development,

also

there are some possibilities

to get

Change preposition

of getting

show examples

engaged in cyber crimes.

Neverthless

Correct your spelling

Nevertheless

, it is true that reading books

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

some benefits for people, mostly young ones.Within reading

Fix the agreement mistake

books

show examples

book

Add a comma

book,

show examples

adults can extend their horizon of mindfulness

simultaneously

Correct word choice

and simultaneously

show examples

enhance critical

imginations

Correct your spelling

imaginations

imagination

Furthermore

, there is a belief that teens who screw themselves with reading books

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

usually overtake their peers and they are more active in society. In

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

conclusion, our social atmosphere improves if teenagers and young children get involved with reading novels

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to TV or virtual games, they

Correct your spelling

can

show examples

Correct your spelling

also

aso

Correct your spelling

also

achieve their destiny in future and

Correct your spelling

build

beuld

Correct your spelling

have

successful

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

and live

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

meaningful

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Submitted by Shaxnoza on Sat Mar 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction

Focus on clarity and simplicity in your introduction. Establish your opinion clearly and preview the main points you will discuss.

Cohesion

Maintain a clear logical flow by using paragraphing effectively. Each paragraph should cover a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations.

Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas more clearly.

Body Paragraphs

Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.

Language Accuracy

Work on your grammar and spelling to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.

Conclusion

Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion. Make sure your conclusion is distinct from the introduction.

Content

Enhance your essay by incorporating relevant, specific examples to support your points. This adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

210 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Cognitive development
Screen time
Attention span
Academic performance
Physical exercise
Childhood obesity
Language skills
Creativity
Imagination
Empathy
Educational programs
Personal growth
Balanced approach
Interactive games
Media consumption
Self-regulation
Distractions
Technology-enhanced learning

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In this contemporary era, an increasing number of people are inclined to stay in cities rather than rural areas, and then the population in the countryside is reducing. In my perspective, this is a nagative development for many conutries, the national economies will lower graually because there are few people doing a job of fishing or agriculture. Additionally, some urban areas have become more crowded than ever before, diminishing living quailty is also a servere problem.
4.5
band
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people are in the favour of students mandatory social work while studying at school. I strongly disagree with this pehnomenon because parents admit their offspring primarily for studies not for unpaid labourer work. Moreover, if community services are imposed on students, they will ultimately rebel.
<4
band
International travel brings benefits to travellers and the countries visited, but it also harms for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?
Due to the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way therefore the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the past few years. In the midst of change , travelling become very convenient and affordable. People nowadays save money to explore new places to gain knowledge and experiences . The society has been divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks . There is a colossal number of folks who believe international traveling is beneficial for the country as well as the country they r visiting meanwhile on the contrary , some communities Accord that travelling places have negetive impact on environmen . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . I vehemently Accord with the notion that travelling is beneficial for the country's economy . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both of beliefs as well as proffer examples to justify my notion.
7.5
band
Your city council is planning to pull down one of the historic buildings in your town because they do not have funds to renovate it. As a citizen, you do not want it to happen. Write a letter to the city council. In your letter, say what the importance of this historic building is mention why it should be renovated rather than pull down suggest a plan to raise funds and maintain the building in the future Write at least 150 words.
I am writing this letter to suggest you that, do not demolish the Taj Mahal building located in the Sivaji Area of our city which is famous not only in our city but also in our nation.
<4
band
Write about the following topic: Exposure to international media, such as films, TV and magazines, has an impact on the local culture. What do you think of these impacts? Do you think that the advantages of these impacts outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Culture and traditions hold a significant role in our lives. It helps us to connect to our roots as well as give us the opportunity to know our past better . Due to the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way therefore the lifestyle and the preference of people have changed a lot in the past few decades . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of folks who believe international media such as films , webseries , magazines have negetive impact on local culture and traditions . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to it's pros and cons. In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the advantages and disadvantages as well as proffer examples to justify my notion .

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead

Fully explain your ideas

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

International travel brings benefits to travellers and the countries visited, but it also harms for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+