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Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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The average life expectancy rate has come down drastically in many countries. It is 70 in Asia and 79 in countries like the USA and Europe. So there are few older
people
 in the world. The young population is comparatively higher. Some are of the opinion that a
country
 can progress with
this
 disproportionate rate of population
while
 others argue that we need older
people
 in equal numbers. I think that having a larger ratio of young
people
 will definitely be advantageous. Young
people
 are doers. They are capable of accomplishing a given task and their productivity levels are unmatched. They are
also
 at less risk of developing health complications. So a nation composed of healthy, actively contributing young
people
 is sure to progress in all spheres. Young
people
 are quick to learn and easily adapt to changing environments. They are
also
 the resource base with which a
country
 can attract business opportunities that are pivotal for economic growth and development. They think out of the box and don’t cling to old ideas. If properly educated and utilised, they are an asset to the nation. As every coin has two sides,
this
 population variation has downsides too. Young
people
 tend to act fast. Older
people
 think twice before they attempt to do something. Out of experience, they are wiser. Young
people
 are prone to misuse. If not properly managed, they can ruin a nation’s progress. Having a larger proportion of young
people
 means that more
people
 are in the working age bracket. So the
country
 will be pressured to create adequate job opportunities failing which their youth may tread
in
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unwanted paths and cause harm. In summary, having a larger proportion of youth is undoubtedly a boon. Given proper direction, they can create wonders. It is
Correct your spelling
up to
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 the
country
 to utilise their youth to the maximum potential in order to reap benefits
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Task Achievement
The essay needs a clearer and more direct introduction to the topic. A direct thesis statement in the introduction would help establish your viewpoint from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more concrete and specific examples. This will strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve the flow of your essay. Connecting words and phrases can help with this.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay while restating your overall viewpoint. Making it clearer will strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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