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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year
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The graphic charts
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
displayed roughly calculate
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 uneducated
rates
Use synonyms
 by region and sex in one previous year. On the whole, uneducated
women
Use synonyms
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 higher than
men
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 in all
regions
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, South
Asia
Use synonyms
 had the highest
eneducated
Correct your spelling
educated
uneducated
 region.
However
Linking Words
, developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 had the least uneducated both for
men
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 and
women
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. In terms of
women
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, in developed
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the rate of
unilleterate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
women
Use synonyms
 was approximately just over 0%. And
this
Linking Words
 rate was rise in five other
regions
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. In
latin
Change the capitalization
Latin
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 America/Caribean was slightly more than 10%,
while
Linking Words
 East
Asia
Use synonyms
/Oceania
20
Add a missing verb
was 20
show examples
%.
For the
Change preposition
The
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rest
Add a comma
rest,
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 three
regions
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; South Saharan Africa, Arab Saudi,
South
Correct word choice
and South
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Asia
Use synonyms
; was shown
rates
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 of
unilleterate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
rocket
Fix the agreement mistake
rockets
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 significantly, at 48%,
52
Correct word choice
and 52
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%, respectively, and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 a peak at 55%.
Furtehermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, in terms of
men
Use synonyms
 had different
rates
Use synonyms
 in six
regions
Use synonyms
.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 and highest unilleterate
rates
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the same
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
, which was in developed countries and South
Asia
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, roughly just over 0% and 30%, respectively. The second and thrice highest uneducated
men
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 were
South
Change preposition
in South
show examples
 Saharan Africa and Arab States, at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slightly over 30% and almost 30% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the least uneducated
men
Use synonyms
 after developed countries were East
Asia
Use synonyms
/Oceania and Latin America/Caribean, at 8% and 10%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rates, women, men, regions, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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