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Band 1

Nowadays,a lot of people prefer to be self-employed to work for a compamy because this way,they can follow their passions and be satisfied with their own life.In my view,the main disadvantages would be struggling and needs of employees and money for some cases.

#people #work #compamy #passions #life #employees #money #cases
I agree that there are a lot
people
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of people
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 that prefer to be self-employed.
This
 choice can have positive and negative effects on
peolple
Correct your spelling
people
 life. I agree with the statement that they can follow their passions or hobbies
everytime
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every time
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 they want. But only a few
number of
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apply
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lucky
enterprenours
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entrepreneurs
 can do it easily, others can face
a huge problems
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a huge problem
huge problems
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.
Becauise
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Because
 it is not easy to grow up a new business. For many production sectors you need a
lot
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lot of
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capitals
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capital
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 to start, and even
tough
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though
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 your activity
grow
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grows
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up
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apply
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quickly the
lacking
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lack
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 of employees could be a serious issue. The balance between
have
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having
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few
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a few
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number of
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apply
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people with a lot of charge of hours for each, and
to have
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having
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 many collaborators it
is depend
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depends
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 on investment capital to use.
Submitted by Ste on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main arguments and opinions. Your conclusion was missing, which affects your score here.
supported main points
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations and by adding more specific, relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and improve the completeness of your response.
logical structure
Aim to present your ideas in a clear, organized manner, ensuring there’s a logical flow from one paragraph to the next. Use linking phrases to better connect your ideas.
complete response
Be sure to fully address the essay prompt by discussing both sides of the argument or the question in detail. This includes elaborating on the advantages of being self-employed, as well as the disadvantages, to provide a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and detail your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Avoid general statements by providing specific information or examples that highlight your point.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. This helps in illustrating your points clearly and makes your essay more compelling and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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