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Band 2.5

Your Passion should be one of the factors you take into account while picking a career. When an hobby is a interest, why do some people not even consider them? Do you agree or disagree with the statement.

#passion #factors #account #career #hobby #interest #people
Hobbies
 are specific activities or pursuits that an individual
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 in their free time for enjoyment or relaxation. Pursuing
hobbies
 can
also
 offer opportunities for learning, growth, and social connection. Interests and
hobbies
 are closely related. Interests are
broader
Add an article
a broader
show examples
 range of activities or subjects that you enjoy or find engaging.
People
 nowadays have a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 responsibilities on their shoulders, they do not find it practical to prioritize something that does not add value to their life. It can seem like a fruitless task or chore
instead
 of a fun, relaxing activity.
Due to
 increased responsibilities,
people
 let go of their
hobbies
.
Furthermore
, during the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic,
people
 witnessed
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
hobbies
 as they were isolated in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 and there was no opportunity for them to consider their
hobbies
.
For example
, during the pandemic,
people
 stayed at home and they did not have a variety of choice. Finding a hobby for an adult is more difficult than when you were a child because the life of an adult is very crowded as
people
 have a career to grow and a family to take care
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
Hence
,
people
 tend to give less priority to a hobby and they would emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressing matters.
Submitted by roshnijuneja19182 on

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Task Response
Clearly state your opinion on the topic in the introduction. The essay question asks you to agree or disagree with the statement, but your essay doesn't clearly answer this.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more effectively. Introduce your argument, provide supporting paragraphs each with a clear main idea, and conclude your essay by summarizing your points and restating your stance.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and explain how they relate to your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your text more cohesive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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