Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the Airforce just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern era, it is controversial

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

women

Use synonyms

should be entitled to serve in the army and force or not.

While

Linking Words

some consider

this

Linking Words

as an unnecessary course of action, others including me take a look at

this

Linking Words

issue with an enlightened standpoint and assert that female battlers should be given the mentioned right

due to

Linking Words

several

basis

Change to a plural noun

bases

show examples

which will be mentioned in the following essay. Based on history, there have been many female generals and soldiers who saved their motherlands with high perseverance and dauntless courage. With attention to Iranian general Artemisia whose decisions rescued thousands of Iranian soldiers and

empire

Correct article usage

the empire

show examples

of Achaemenid.

Accordingly

Linking Words

, Herodotus _the famous contemporary historian_ wrote that

this

Linking Words

Persian commander defeated the territories by using five ships whereby the male counterparts

got

Verb problem

were

show examples

surprised and ashamed. It must be remembered that many brave

women

Use synonyms

fought off the enemy, their names have been anonymous though. Not only the historical

evidences

Change the wording

evidence

pieces of evidence

shreds of evidence

show examples

prove the capability of

women

Use synonyms

but

also

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern societies have witnessed many skilled soldiers who can stand for their lands as patriots.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, some still amend hardly to suppress the feminine power in the front lines,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

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in the

twenty first

Add a hyphen

twenty-first

show examples

century, the collaboration between both genders is in demand and eliminating gender inequality is crucial.

Thus

Linking Words

, folks would be at lower risk of invasion, especially when

women

Use synonyms

can monitor incidents without getting overwhelmed

due to

Linking Words

their multi-task brain structure. To sum

, there

Change preposition

up, there

show examples

is no need to show discrimination against

women

Use synonyms

in defending sectors,

while

Linking Words

it has been proved that

women

Use synonyms

show up strongly in various criteria. To emphasize

women

Use synonyms

can learn and teach, work and supervise, vote and be voted.

Besides

Linking Words

, their presence can be considered as an opportunity to oversee the problems from different

standpoint

Fix the agreement mistake

standpoints

show examples

TUTOOSat Mar 16 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the question and guide the reader.

Task Achievement

Expand on your examples by providing more depth and analysis. This can enhance clarity and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Maintain clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use connectors and transitional phrases to seamlessly move from one idea to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a variety of cohesive devices throughout your essay to link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the Airforce just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Many people aspire to a balance between work and other parts of their lives, but few achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this and how can these problems be overcome?

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be bend in public place. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With a fast spec of modern life, more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that by killing someone society is also making a crime, so, that why death penalty should be forbidden. Life in prison would be a better punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. 🔸 To what extent do you agree or disagree?