IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education that the government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #government #students #matter #background
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that the authorities should subsidize college education. I do not really regard myself as a proponent of
this
 idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, the state had better invest in the academies. The explanation could be that it can bring huge benefits for individuals and society.
While
 individuals can absorb a great volume of valuable knowledge and enhance their employment prospects in the future,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities can bring more well-trained personnel and improve the nation’s economy.
For example
, The German and Dutch governors abolished tuition fees,
consequently
 now not only do they have prosperous economies, but
also
 their dwellers improve their expertise.
Therefore
, it is crucial for the authority to make an investment in tertiary education.
While
 the necessity of splurging cash on institutions by the government is widely acknowledged, they ought not to spare money at all.
Due to
 the fact that the Administration’s budget is not sufficient, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a wealth of aspects that are spared by the state.
Moreover
, the presidents should squander since they can raise their awareness and responsibilities in terms of their health and studying quality assurance. Constructing infrastructures, revamping tourism and expanding entertainment industries can be cited as outstanding instances of alternative facets
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the governors had better invest
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. If the Administrations squander all expenses for educational activities, the settlers having engaged in social evil will directly affect their health
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 those who are
slothful
Rephrase
too slothful
show examples
 to study will
also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefit, it is unfair
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 accountable citizens.
As a result
, the authorities should not squander money on institutions. In conclusion, it is significant for the governors to allocate money to universities,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
this
 cost had better not be suffered by the governments.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly outlines your stance and introduces the arguments you will explore. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and restate your position.
Task Achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness in your ideas, focus on elaborating your main points with more specific examples and explanations. This will also help in achieving a complete response to the task.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This aids in better illustrating your points and strengthens your overall argumentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your essay’s logical structure by ensuring a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Use linking phrases effectively to signal the relationship between your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your essay. This provides a clear starting point and closure for your reader, enhancing overall coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with clear arguments and examples. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea, explained, and supported in depth. This will increase the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: