IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people say that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their heritors to be good
society
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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,
while
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 others are of the opinion that
school
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 is the best in
this
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 regard. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss the first and the second points of view and
also
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 my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, many
parents
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 teach their kids based on their own experience. It
also
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 includes aspects of communication with individuals, responsibility and respect. The main reason for these actions is
easier
Add an article
an easier
the easier
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 understanding of
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society
Change noun form
society's
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 structure for kids and teenagers.
For example
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, a big majority of
parents
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 in Kazakhstan begin to educate their children about the rules of
society
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 from childhood.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 fact is the most important thing of mutual respect in our country.
However
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, I believe that
parents
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 always have
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 time to spend with their children.
On the other hand
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, we can observe that plenty of schools have lessons with teaching
society
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 rules. In these lessons pupils can improve skills by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 various real-life situations,
also
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 communication in
school
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 between classmates could help to expand
understanding
Correct pronoun usage
their understanding
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
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.
For example
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,
kazakhstani
Change the capitalization
Kazakhstani
show examples
school
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 students have self-improvement subjects once a week and
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
societal
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 topics could be discussed too.
In addition
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, in
schools
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schools,
show examples
 students will gain experience in contacting
with
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apply
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people.
Personally
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Personally,
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 I think
that is
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 the most important fact of good
society
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 adaptation. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I can say young ones must have more social practice to develop communication abilities and to explore
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society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 features.
This
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 essay believes that
school
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 lessons will help children to be good members of
society
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.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of your essay. Try to rephrase the prompt in your own words for a stronger start.
Paragraph Structure
When presenting arguments, it is beneficial to introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanation and examples. This will make your argumentation more structured and easier to follow.
Argument Development
Try to delve deeper into each argument by providing more detailed examples and analyses. This will make your essay more convincing and will also demonstrate your ability to discuss complex issues.
Linking
Link ideas more effectively by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make the progression of ideas smoother.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, restate your main arguments and clearly express your own viewpoint without introducing new ideas. This reinforces your position and provides a strong closure.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article use to improve grammatical accuracy in your writing. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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