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Nowadays children are spending much more time watching TV compared to the past. Why do you think this happens? Is this a positive or a negative change?

#children #time #tv #change
Children
 are known to
have
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 so much
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
 in comparison to the past. I believe that there are several underlying factors that can contribute to
this
 and I completely agree that
this
 brings more negative change for the
children
. In comparison to the past,
children
 are now spending much more
time
 watching
TV
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of discipline from their parents.
This
 can be
due to
 the business of their parents and
lack
 of
time
 to communicate properly with the
children
. Parents usually let their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 watch
TV
 during their free
time
.
However
, because they are still
children
 and
lack
 self-discipline, they are prone to waste
time
 for entertainment purposes like watching
TV
.
Firstly
, increasing screen
time
while
 watching
TV
 means that
children
 are more prone to radiation. Radiation is a great threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them because
children
 usually are not aware of the radiation on the
TV
.
Thus
,
children
’s eyes are more prone to damage and they might use glasses at an early age.
Secondly
,
children
 will have less
time
 to connect with other people if they are spending too much
time
 on
TV
. In the development stage, socialising with other people is necessary for
children
 to make them grow. Social skills are needed to make them understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and develop their empathy.
However
, if they are consuming too much
time
 watching
TV
, they will
lack
 communication skills. In conclusion,
although
 it has become more popular for
children
 to spend their leisure
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
, I believe that it has brought about too many problems for
this
 to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to structure your points more clearly. Introduce your main ideas in your introduction, then expand on them in separate paragraphs, and reiterate them in your conclusion for improved clarity.
Task Response
Integrate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your argument. Consider incorporating studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make use of transitional phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will guide your reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Response
For a more comprehensive response, explore both positive and negative aspects of the topic, even if your stance leans heavily towards one side. This will demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • educational content
  • entertainment
  • relaxation
  • physical activity
  • cultural exposure
  • mental health
  • visual skills
  • auditory skills
  • advertisements
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