Nowadays children are spending much more time watching TV compared to the past. Why do you think this happens? Is this a positive or a negative change?

#children #time #tv #change

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Children

Use synonyms

are known to

have

Verb problem

spend

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so much

time

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching

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in comparison to the past. I believe that there are several underlying factors that can contribute to

this

Linking Words

and I completely agree that

this

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brings more negative change for the

children

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. In comparison to the past,

children

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are now spending much more

time

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watching

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because of

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lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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of discipline from their parents.

This

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can be

due to

Linking Words

the business of their parents and

lack

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time

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to communicate properly with the

children

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. Parents usually let their

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

watch

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during their free

time

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However

Linking Words

, because they are still

children

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and

lack

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self-discipline, they are prone to waste

time

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for entertainment purposes like watching

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Firstly

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, increasing screen

time

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while

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watching

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means that

children

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are more prone to radiation. Radiation is a great threat

for

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show examples

them because

children

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usually are not aware of the radiation on the

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Thus

Linking Words

children

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’s eyes are more prone to damage and they might use glasses at an early age.

Secondly

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children

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will have less

time

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to connect with other people if they are spending too much

time

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. In the development stage, socialising with other people is necessary for

children

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to make them grow. Social skills are needed to make them understand

about

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society and develop their empathy.

However

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, if they are consuming too much

time

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watching

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, they will

lack

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communication skills. In conclusion,

although

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it has become more popular for

children

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to spend their leisure

time

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching

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, I believe that it has brought about too many problems for

this

Linking Words

to be considered a positive trend.

Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on Sat Mar 16 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Be sure to structure your points more clearly. Introduce your main ideas in your introduction, then expand on them in separate paragraphs, and reiterate them in your conclusion for improved clarity.

Task Response

Integrate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your argument. Consider incorporating studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance coherence, make use of transitional phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will guide your reader through your argument more smoothly.

Task Response

For a more comprehensive response, explore both positive and negative aspects of the topic, even if your stance leans heavily towards one side. This will demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
sedentary lifestyle
educational content
entertainment
relaxation
physical activity
cultural exposure
mental health
visual skills
auditory skills
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Nowadays children are spending much more time watching TV compared to the past. Why do you think this happens? Is this a positive or a negative change?

Fully explain your ideas

Natural resources, such as water, forests and oil, are being used at an excessive rate. What is the main cause of this problem? How can this issue be solved?

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Is there any other big threat to mankind?

Some people believe that hobbies do not need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

Some people say that humanitarian subjects such as philosophy, history and literature that people study in universities have no value for their future career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.