Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we much return to the older and more traditional of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
To begin
with, it is very important to respect
our families and people
who surround us. Nowadays, our young Correct article usage
the people
generation
would like to be more careful with this
statement. Their
must understand how to Correct pronoun usage
They
respect
older people
and they affect to
our Change preposition
apply
generation
with a bad attitude. I am definitely agree
with the statement that we must show Change the verb form
definitely agree
respect
to older people
and local
community.
Add an article
the local
Firstly
, the main reason that people
affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
with
their Change preposition
by
indidual
greed and selfishness is that case that their do not have limits. I am going to say that Correct your spelling
individual
parents
did not give them kind of mercy and did not bring up them well. Correct pronoun usage
their parents
For example
, when we use public transport we must to gave
a seat Change the form of the verb
give
for
older Change preposition
to
people
. We can show with
Change preposition
apply
this
attitude to our up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
generation
to respect
and properly affect to
Change preposition
apply
the
modern society. It will lead to Correct article usage
apply
connection
with past and modern society.
Correct article usage
a connection
Secondly
, another problem is that we must to
Change the verb form
apply
respect
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
people
Change noun form
people's
opinion
. The young Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
generation
thought they do
not understand us and we are Wrong verb form
did
starting
argue with them. Add the particle
starting to
Moreover
, they do not understand that they were also
child and they are trying to affect to
us properly with mercy. We are facing Change preposition
apply
with
Change preposition
apply
this
daily. That fact they are teaching us and gave
priceless Wrong verb form
giving
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
is
to understand Unnecessary verb
apply
our
feelings that we share. I Change the word
the
meaning
we will face Wrong verb form
mean
with
Change preposition
apply
this
problem by ourself
. Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
Furthermore
, we will able
to explain it to our children properly and bring up them well to Add a missing verb
be able
respect
each other.
To conclude
, our society it
is essential to us and how Correct pronoun usage
apply
we
Correct pronoun usage
it
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
to
us. We must Change preposition
apply
to
create a better world to live in. Without Change the verb form
apply
kind
of war. Correct article usage
a kind
Respect
each other!Submitted by bekzhan.akynbekov on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay to make your arguments clearer. Follow a simple structure: introduction, body paragraphs (each with a single clear idea), and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with explanations or examples. Avoid repetition and focus on developing your points.
Task Achievement
Try to respond more directly to the question by discussing both sides of the argument or stating clearly if you agree or disagree. Use the introduction to state your position clearly.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples to support your arguments. These examples make your points more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
General Advice
Be cautious of grammatical errors and work on improving your grammatical range and accuracy. This will also help in making your ideas clearer and more persuasive.
General Advice
Expand your vocabulary related to the topic and use it appropriately. Varied and accurate vocabulary can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your knowledge of the subject.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.