IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children who are home-schooled are not prepared for university at the same rate of children in government-funded schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

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In
present
Add an article
the present

The noun phrase present day seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 day, some
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are being
home schooled
Add a hyphen
home-schooled

It seems that home schooled is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 with private teachers for various reasons.
Children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who are home-schooled do not get the same opportunity to make contacts and connections or have the same social context compared to their peers who are attending government-funded schools.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will explore the causes of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and what consequences
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has on
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society. To start with, when
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are being home-schooled they rarely have any classmates to talk or cooperate with.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 may lead to feelings of isolation or
lonlieness
Correct your spelling
loneliness

If you don’t want lonlieness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

or in worst cases even depression.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a child who is at home most of the time and
do
Change the verb form
does

The plural verb do does not appear to agree with the singular subject a child. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 not have many friends may find it harder in the future to meet new people or make social connections, especially at universities where group projects are in significant part of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
education.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 leads to home-schooled
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 not being prepared fully to go to university in the future.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 will have many consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society, in terms of work
enviroments
Correct your spelling
environments
environment

If you don’t want enviroments to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and developments for the country.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if an individual
do
Change the verb form
does

The plural verb do does not appear to agree with the singular subject an individual. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 not have the ability to cooperate and collaborate with
it´s
Replace the word
its

It appears that the contraction it´s should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

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 environment or
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues

If you don’t want collegues to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, which is highly valued in today´s global world, will result in no
decions
Correct your spelling
decisions

If you don’t want decions to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

taken or progress in the company.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, world leaders need to have the ability to cooperate and are mandatory to attend social events to work towards world peace. In summary,
to be
Change the verb form
being

To be doesn’t seem to work here.

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 home-schooled can have a negative impact on your self-esteem
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 getting a lower social context.

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structure
Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are present, each serving their purpose. Your essay has these components, but clarity and impact can be enhanced.
examples
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. While you provided relevant scenarios, more specificity would strengthen your argument.
linking
Improve cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
depth
Increase the depth and breadth of your ideas to fully respond to all parts of the task. Consider the reasons behind the issue and a wider range of consequences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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