Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Happiness
plays a crucial role in people's lives. Many say that individuals are the
Correct article usage
apply
reasponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
to get
Change preposition
for getting
ownhappiness
Correct your spelling
own happiness
unhappiness
where as
others argue that there are some other external Correct your spelling
whereas
factors
also
contribute to getting Correct pronoun usage
that also
happiness
. This
essay discusses the
both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, people can Remove the article
apply
get
happy by
themselves without any external Verb problem
be
factors
because they only know about them properly which things make them pleasure
. Replace the word
pleasurable
This
is because mankind is different from others, so, they can only understand and get pleasure
along with
this
is their responsibility to take Correct pronoun usage
apply
pleasure
by themselves. For example
, these days, some public prefers
to buy Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
car
Add an article
a car
the car
then
they get happy while
others prefer to use motorbike
in order to they can travel around Correct article usage
a motorbike
City
with friends. Correct article usage
the City
Hence
, getting pleasure
is the population's responsibility.
On the other hand
, there are some crucial
external factors
also
provides
Change the verb form
provide
happiness
to the public such
as spending time with familly
members and friends. Correct your spelling
family
This
is because a good family able
to provide more Add a missing verb
is able
pleasures
without any misunderstanding to each other Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
as well as
a
good employment brings Remove the article
apply
pleasure
to the population who
get enormous amount of job Satisfaction
in their work. Fix capitalization
satisfaction
For instance
, wife people get happiness
from job satisfaction and a good understanding family
, they indeed stay far away from psychological issues namely stress and depression. Change preposition
of family
Then
, there are the external factors
provide
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
pleasures
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
although
individuals get happiness
by themselves due to
they know very well about them, happy
family and a good job can Correct article usage
a happy
load
to obtain Correct your spelling
lead
massive
amount of Add an article
a massive
pleasures
. Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
However
, in my opinion, about this
, I strongly agree with
external Change preposition
that
factors
are essential to brings
Change the verb
bring
happiness
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance and briefly mentions the points you will discuss. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples to better support your main points. Providing more detailed instances or studies can enhance the relevance and effectiveness of your examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of a variety of cohesive devices (such as linking words and phrases) effectively to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the organization of your essay. While you have a structure in place, further dividing your paragraphs to clearly distinguish between your views and examples could improve readability.
General
Proofread your essay to fix grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Doing so will make your arguments clearer and more compelling to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.