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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009.

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009.
The bar chart illustrates the information of both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
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 students studies in six
difference
Replace the word
different
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sciences
Fix the agreement mistake
science
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 courses
at
Change preposition
in
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 the United Kingdom in 2019.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, it can be seen that a higher
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 than
females
Use synonyms
 choose to study each subject, with the exception of Veterinary
Medicine
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with both
of
Change preposition
apply
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males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
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 in a Biology subject, there were
significant
Correct word choice
apply
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approximately
by
Change preposition
apply
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240 and 200 learners respectively. The noticeable from
the
Remove the article
apply
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all subjects
is
Change the verb form
are
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 Physics that have over 200 men
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of women under 50 people so there were four times as many male students as female students.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
similar
Add an article
a similar
the similar
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number
Use synonyms
 in Astronomy and Geology
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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150 people and
Veterinary
Correct article usage
the Veterinary
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Medicine
Use synonyms
 subject has
Use synonyms
females
Correct quantifier usage
more females
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 than
males
Use synonyms
 approximately 25 people. To summarize,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mostly
females
Use synonyms
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
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 Biology,
Medicine
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, and Veterinary
Medicine
Use synonyms
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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males
Use synonyms
 prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Biology, Physics, and
Medicine
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, males, females, medicine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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