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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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in certain areas, parents want their
children
Use synonyms
 to become some of the best people. education is the main way for
children
Use synonyms
's future. every child prefers to become something that they want if parents give the right advice. In my view, both sides should discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. on the one hand, some people believe that confidence is a good way to increase their
children
Use synonyms
's
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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. if offspring get a motivated speech on time. it can
also
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 build child communication
as well as
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 self-confidence. In their adolescent age, offspring have a tendency to be insecure.
Consequently
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, offspring would be afraid of presenting in public.
Hence
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, offspring would avoid any particular activities that require confidence,
such
Linking Words
 as debating, performing on stage, or speaking in public. on
Correct article usage
the
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other hand, sometimes they can be harmful to some offspring if they want and won't get them.
although
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, in a few countries, watching TV and social media have bad effects on offspring. which could
provide
Verb problem
cause
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 a lot of problems in their mind.
in addition
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, one drawback back is that offspring don't understand what's wrong and right.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 schools can impose a massive punishment on
children
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 so that they are afraid of negative consequences.
moreover
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, in France, a female student
was fail
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failed
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 in her exam and
then
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 died. and leave a message "How can I look at my father's face".
thus
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, a good education leads to good success. in conclusion, parents can show a good way
to
Change preposition
for
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 future if they can motivate and support them.
Furthermore
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, wrong ideas can be in different directions for
children
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. it can
also
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 decrease
children
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's goals.
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

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structure
Develop a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly present your opinion or the main theme of your essay. The conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your main argument or perspective.
structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point or aspect of the topic. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
content
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This not only aids in maintaining relevance but also in demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
language
Improve grammatical accuracy and range. Use a variety of sentence structures and pay attention to grammar and spelling. Seek to enhance your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
language
Pay attention to the coherence of your essay. Use linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will aid in improving the flow and readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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