IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, most
of
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the
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people
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 believe that using electronic
devices
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 like
phones
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 and computers has a harmful influence on children's reading and writing skills. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement.
People
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 know the benefits of using smartphones and computers in reading and writing. So, why do they
do
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not allow their child to
use
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 it ? Looking at
people
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's arguments, they say that mobile
phones
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 and other
devices
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 affect student's academic
level
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levels
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. They argue that most children prefer to
use
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 reactions
instead
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 of writing whole
sentence's
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sentences
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. I don't
this
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 argument is valid because using
phones
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 forces young
people
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 to read and write to communicate and understand the content clearly. So,
as a result
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 of that their academic level will develop steadily. They
also
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 say that
,
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 some teenagers opted to write the shortest phrases
instead
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 of the full word.
For example
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, they write "k" rather than "okay".
Due to
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 a lack of beneficial programs on their
phones
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. I
also
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 disagree with
this
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 view, there are a lot of problems that contribute to increasing
pupil's
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pupil
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 levels in all skills.
For instance
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, the Grammarly program encourages students to write paragraphs has correct grammar by giving them direct notes. We cannot deny that computers and
phones
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 have considerable benefits for younger
people
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 on their academic level.
Firstly
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, it encourages them to read and write a response, which will raise their stage indirectly. In fact, when we give students the freedom to
use
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 mobile or tablets they will have the opportunity to read an article or any field they like.
As a result
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, their knowledge about the world will expand. To summarise, I would say the reading and writing skills of students will go up when they will
use
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 their electronic
devices
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. Quite a pare of phone benefits on student levels and force them to read and write. It has another function which is to promote social relations. Could you afford to miss these
devices
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? Definitely, you can not!

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task achievement
Ensure that you present a clear thesis statement in your introduction. This will set a firm foundation for your arguments throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide specific, concrete examples to support your main points. This strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing. Consider including studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Each paragraph should present a coherent idea, starting with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs. This not only helps with the flow of your essay but also demonstrates a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of your grammar and vocabulary choices. Though your essay is understandable, enhancing your grammatical accuracy and utilizing a wider range of vocabulary will substantially improve your coherence and cohesion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • digital literacy
  • multitasking
  • e-books
  • attention span
  • informal language
  • shorthand
  • interactivity
  • traditional literacy
  • comprehension
  • retention
  • multimedia elements
  • communication platforms
  • formal writing
  • reading habits
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