In today's world, people send a lot of money on appearance becasue they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a possitive or negative development?

#world #people #money #appearance #becasue #happen #possitive #development

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In recent years, the amount of money being expended in enhancing physical appearance has soared

due to

Linking Words

the demand of maintaining the youth. The primary reason for the tendency to alter their physical attractiveness derives from traditionally outdated superstitions. The writer staunchly advocates that

this

Linking Words

trend has an adverse impact on the physical and mental

health

Use synonyms

of individuals in society. It is crucial to acknowledge that the

beauty

Use synonyms

standards of society exert a significant influence on motivating individuals to seek cosmetic surgery. To be more specific, in each country, there are many traditional superstitions towards

beauty

Use synonyms

thus

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, many people having different

body

Use synonyms

structures have suffered from racism and

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

, especially with

female

Add an article

the female

show examples

gender.

Additionally

Linking Words

, some special characteristics

also

Linking Words

become a considerable obstacle to job opportunities and even marriage status.

As a result

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, the demand and money expenditure on cosmetic procedures are the most forceful alternatives to satisfy the societal perspective.

Nevertheless

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, the misuse of

surgeries

Use synonyms

causes the worsening of

health

Use synonyms

in society. Because of adding chemical substances

such

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as filler or silicon in the

body

Use synonyms

and

then

Linking Words

these substances observed in many principal organs,

hence

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, some genetically modified tissues and organs backfire on the

body

Use synonyms

. To illustrate, extensive research occurring in South Korea which is called the capital of the cosmetic field indicates that approximately 30% of people who have done plastic

surgeries

Use synonyms

are faced with many drawbacks. Not only physical

health

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, but mental aspect is

also

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adversely influenced which stems from the unlimited requirement and dynamic

beauty

Use synonyms

standards.

Therefore

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, the fixation on physical flaws could create never-ending

surgeries

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and dissatisfaction with the perfection of own

body

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. In conclusion, societal

beauty

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standards and

offenses

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offences

show examples

contribute to obsession with appearance.

Therefore

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, the rate of diseases related to serious drawbacks of cosmetic

surgeries

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rises gradually and seems an announcement about global

health

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Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Mon Mar 18 2024

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logical structure

Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction should clearly present your main argument, followed by body paragraphs that support your argument with specific examples, before wrapping it up in the conclusion.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure coherence in your essay by making your ideas flow logically from one to another. Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs. This improves the readability and understanding of your essay.

supported main points

Support your main points with concrete examples or evidence. Providing specific examples or data enhances the credibility of your arguments and engages the reader more effectively.

complete response

Address the question directly and ensure your response covers all aspects of the task. Offer clear and comprehensive ideas related to the topic and question asked, and avoid going off-topic.

clear comprehensive ideas

Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express clear ideas relevant to the topic. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and develop it fully with explanations and examples.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples should be directly tied to the points you are trying to make and provide clear evidence or illustration of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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In today's world, people send a lot of money on appearance becasue they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a possitive or negative development?

Your opinion

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

In some countries, the government has tried to reduce traffic. For instance, they imposed a congestion tax during rush hour. Do you think this development is positive or negative?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.