IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their work place at home, when traveling. Do the bed benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #place #home #mobility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The majority of the population considers that
people
 from
Genz
 are as reliable as their ancestors. The root reason for
this
 is the attempt to grasp economic opportunities in a capitalist society.
However
,
this
 writer contends that
this
 is an advance for society because of the financial enhancement acquired. The dishonesty of
GenZ
 primarily stems from the gradual development of capitalism around the world currently. To explain in more detail, improvement in the global economy presently has facilitated the appearance of new financial and job opportunities.
Therefore
, many countries have turned to
capitalist
Correct article usage
the capitalist
show examples
 model to leverage those chances, resulting in changes in individuals' lifestyles when
people
 have to widen their relationships to grasp economic offers.
As a result
,
people
, especially those who were born in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 transition like
GenZ
, start subordinating honesty to reputation and a good impression in relationships to adapt to the trend.
Nevertheless
,
GenZ
 having a penchant for being unreliable is a positive advance for the
overall
 economy.
Although
this
 cult may raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apprehension
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 human beings, it definitely will help in enhancing individuals' financial statements and standard of living. To put it simply,
people
 engaging in practical relationships will assist them in searching for prospective benefits and economic opportunities,
hence
, improving their lives quality.
For example
, research from China's historical institution has revealed that the world has seen more inventions than any other time in history in the
last
 decade thanks to the contribution of the young generation as
GenZ
. Taking all points into account, the trend of
GenZ
 being more dishonest than their ancestors derives from the prevalence of capitalism in society.
By contrast
,
this
 tendency is an advantageous development for the world because it improves the
overall
 economy
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay directly answers the question asked. The prompt asks for a discussion on the benefits and disadvantages of remote work due to information technology, but your essay discusses the reliability of GenZ in the context of capitalism. It's vital to closely stick to the topic and build your arguments around that specific theme.
task achievement
Increase the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by clearly defining key terms and concepts. Avoid assuming that the reader shares your understanding of terms like 'capitalism', 'economic opportunities', and 'GenZ'. Provide clear, concise definitions or explanations within the context of your argument.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to better support your main points. While mentioning research from China's historical institution, providing more detailed information about the study (such as specific inventions credited to GenZ) could strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring your essay more logically. Present a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the question asked, followed by paragraphs that individually address the advantages and disadvantages, concluding with a synthesis or final evaluation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should explicitly address the question and outline your essay's structure. The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your position.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, consider using a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to link ideas clearly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and enhance the logical flow of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: