Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

it is widely accepted that there are comparable competitive
sports
,
such
as soccer, baseball
as well as
gamw
Correct your spelling
game
sports
. some people argue that there are positive
indication
Fix the agreement mistake
indications
show examples
that arguing with others is a good way to improve their educational skills. but others insist that these veracious
compettion
Correct your spelling
competition
encourage teenagers to harm their personal characteristics.
this
essay will discuss both sides.
On the other hand
, there are several negative
sportmanships
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
which offer implications to impart.
Moreover
, both indoor and outdoor
sports
definitely affect
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
inspirations and aspirations.
Furthermore
, especially
this
effect
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
to
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
game playing.
For example
,
as for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more male children have used gaming
console
Fix the agreement mistake
consoles
show examples
and smartphone apps for playing soccer
games
or baseball
games
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
to
play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
games
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
competitive
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
games
,
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
a chance to play with peers
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indoors or outdoors. it could build
sportmanships
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
and
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
. A
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
survey indicated that
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
most children construct their bonding skills with their friends by fighting.
Nevertheless
, teenagers can learn abuses and dangerous actions. as
stablizing
Correct your spelling
stabilising
their innocent mindsets is paramount.
Moreover
, intruding
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
pure mind by watching competitions
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
harmful consequences.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
sports
have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
broad implications
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children,
this
could be
a supervisors
Correct the article-noun agreement
a supervisor
supervisors
show examples
to supersede their intrinsic
thinkinng
Correct your spelling
thinking
into bad.
Submitted by gayoung9011 on

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task achievement
Focus on providing a clearer introduction that explicitly states your main argument and how you plan to approach the essay. This sets the tone and direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Present each view (positive and negative effects of competitive sports) in separate paragraphs, followed by your own opinion in a concluding paragraph.
task achievement
Support your statements with more specific examples and evidence. For instance, when discussing the negative effects, cite studies or statistics to bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling, grammar, and clarity. Avoid using unclear phrases or incorrectly formed sentences that can confuse the reader. Proofreading can significantly enhance the quality of your essay.
task achievement
Develop a clear conclusion that summarizes the views discussed and clearly states your own stance. This helps to ensure readers are left with a clear understanding of your position on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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