IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#offices #open-space #designs #rooms #work #outweigh
Working
Add an article
The working
show examples
 environment should be suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our souls in order to create and work with passion. For the time being, Knowledge has
its
Change the word
a
show examples
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
 effect on our way to
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
 our new companies with an organized plan and new Techniques
such
 as designing rooms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employees. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these new concepts. First of all, the main Advantage of working at open-space designs is that all of the coworkers socialize with each other
as well as
 share ideas together.
In addition
, they create solutions to any problem they encounter with their different suggestions so that they conquer any obstacle without difficulty and skillfully. When new companies implement
this
 method of
open spaced
Add a hyphen
open-spaced
show examples
 offices,
this
 will improve the level of their project and increase the outcome
.so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I agree that
method
Correct determiner usage
this method
show examples
 has a great effect on starting
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 whether it is small or big. In regards to the disadvantages, working in separate offices may result in underperformance of the employees.
For example
,
this
 employee can not share his ideas and skills with other people. Not only
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
distance
Correct article usage
the distance
show examples
 between people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the speed of work achievement. So, that method has a lot of drawbacks which can lead to failure of
this
 new starting project. To draw the conclusion, knowledge about developing the traditional methods of opening a successful company is the best way to level up in no time. So,
this
 essay shows clearly that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages extremely. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 working in an open-space office will be very interesting
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing and use a range of linking words to improve flow between ideas. While your essay shows structure, enhancing transitions can make your arguments more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay with clear statements of your viewpoint, ensuring the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. You've done this well, but refining these sections can make them more impactful.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support each advantage or disadvantage you discuss. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question, presenting a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion clearly. Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas regarding both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!