Mnay people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#mnay #people #world #media #touch #news #events

Along with

the proliferation of

technology

, some people tap into social networking sites to make contact with others and keep track of global events. Personally, the writer believes

this

is beneficial as the merits of saving money and instant information access far outweigh the risk of

addition

Correct your spelling

addiction

show examples

. the prime advantage of

technology

is reducing delivery

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

. It is universally acknowledged that the way we

contact

Wrong verb form

contacted

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

othr

Correct your spelling

other

people in the past,

for example

snail-mailing,

requires

Wrong verb form

required

show examples

postmen to send words to recipients.

This

can cost dollars for a letter in comparison with

free

Add an article

a free

the free

show examples

charge of social media.

Thus

, using

technology

to communicate is definitely an economical measure.

However

technophobe

Fix the agreement mistake

technophobes

show examples

may say that

overeliance

Correct your spelling

overreliance

on social apps can eventually lead to addiction. They say,

for

Correct word choice

that for

show examples

children whose cognitive development has yet to be fully developed, unlimited exposure to screens makes them increasingly sedentary or worse still causes obesity.

This

can be solved with the support from parents who manage their child's time in order to take advantage

from

Change preposition

show examples

modern

technology

to the fullest. Thereby,

technology

turns out a powerful assistant for youngsters if they use it appropriately. From the writer's perspective, the advent of social networking sites

also

enables users to catch up with the latest news. The key reason is that people now can share information quickly on various virtual platforms.

For instance

, a scandal of a Vietnamese singer quickly

reaches

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

citizens once it was posted on Facebook.

Therefore

technology

allows news to spread immediately. Taking all points into account, using social media has both pros and cons.

Nevertheless

this

author significantly notices the benefits of saving money and time more than the mishap of addiction.

Submitted by zky1705202 on Mon Mar 18 2024

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Vocabulary

Improve the range and accuracy of your vocabulary to clearly express ideas and arguments. Avoid repetition and use synonyms where possible.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance the organization of your essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed coherently. This includes using a variety of cohesive devices effectively.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion. Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

Grammar

Revisit grammar structures to improve accuracy and range. Pay attention to tense usage, prepositions, and article use. Complex sentence structures can help convey your points more effectively but be careful with their construction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

275 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Mnay people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Everyone should be encouraged to use fewer resources rather than recycle more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.