Mnay people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Along with
the proliferation of
technology
, some people tap into social networking sites to make contact with others and keep track of global events. Personally, the writer believes
this
is beneficial as the merits of saving money and instant information access far outweigh the risk of
addition
Correct your spelling
addiction
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. the prime advantage of
technology
is reducing delivery
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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. It is universally acknowledged that the way we
contact
Wrong verb form
contacted
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with
Change preposition
apply
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othr
Correct your spelling
other
people in the past,
for example
snail-mailing,
requires
Wrong verb form
required
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postmen to send words to recipients.
This
can cost dollars for a letter in comparison with
free
Add an article
a free
the free
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charge of social media.
Thus
, using
technology
to communicate is definitely an economical measure.
However
,
technophobe
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technophobes
show examples
may say that
overeliance
Correct your spelling
overreliance
on social apps can eventually lead to addiction. They say,
for
Correct word choice
that for
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children whose cognitive development has yet to be fully developed, unlimited exposure to screens makes them increasingly sedentary or worse still causes obesity.
This
can be solved with the support from parents who manage their child's time in order to take advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
modern
technology
to the fullest. Thereby,
technology
turns out a powerful assistant for youngsters if they use it appropriately. From the writer's perspective, the advent of social networking sites
also
enables users to catch up with the latest news. The key reason is that people now can share information quickly on various virtual platforms.
For instance
, a scandal of a Vietnamese singer quickly
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
citizens once it was posted on Facebook.
Therefore
,
technology
allows news to spread immediately. Taking all points into account, using social media has both pros and cons.
Nevertheless
,
this
author significantly notices the benefits of saving money and time more than the mishap of addiction.

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Vocabulary
Improve the range and accuracy of your vocabulary to clearly express ideas and arguments. Avoid repetition and use synonyms where possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the organization of your essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed coherently. This includes using a variety of cohesive devices effectively.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion. Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Grammar
Revisit grammar structures to improve accuracy and range. Pay attention to tense usage, prepositions, and article use. Complex sentence structures can help convey your points more effectively but be careful with their construction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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