IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summerise #information #features #comparisions
The graph illustrates the amount of physical activity done on a regular basis by Australian people, sorted
according to
 their genders and ages in the year 2010.
It is clear that
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
regular physical activity varied
according to
 both
age
 groups and genders. The gap between males and females who enjoy doing physical activity regularly was by far at its highest level in the
age
group
 35 to 44 (13
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
),
while
 it declined to its lowest level in the
age
group
 65 and over ( 0.4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
). The popularity of being physically active among males experienced a downward trend in the first three
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 with about
13.3
Correct article usage
a 13.3
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 reduction. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we see it became the other way
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 in the next three
age
 groups and peaked again at 46.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
age
group
 65 and over. The trend for
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 of being active among women saw
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 upward trend in the first four
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and peaked at 53.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the fourth
age
group
 (45 to 54).
This
 reduced a bit in the next
age
group
 till it
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its lowest level in the
last
 one, which accounts for 47.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by bakhti on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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