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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graphs below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graphs below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#graphs #shops #country
The graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the figure of
shops
 that opened and closed in one nation from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, the total
number
 of
shops
 that opened fell down
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quite
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 over the period of 2011 to 2018.
Whereas
, the total
number
 of
shops
 that closed had a
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend and
finally
 finish at around 5000. On the one hand, there were a huge
number
 of
shops
 that clin 2011
that is
 around at 8500.
However
, the
number
 had a
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend between 2011 and 2014. In the end, it progressively decreased to 3000 in 2018.
On the other hand
, at around 6400, the total closed
shops
 were accounted
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
 2011.
Then
, the
number
 had a massive fluctuation and reached roughly
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
500 in 2015.
However
, it
bounce
Wrong verb form
bounced
show examples
 back and recorded at around 5000. After that, it
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
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 off and in the end
finish
Wrong verb form
finished
show examples
 with slightly above 5000.
Submitted by riki on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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