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Band 4

Now a days some parents give money to their children if they perform well at school. Do you think this is good or bad friend ?

#parents #money #children #school #friend
These days, an increasing number of parents give
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weakly money if they achieve good
greads
Correct your spelling
grades
 in their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
this
 is a positive development because it allows parents to teach money management skills, and it enables children to learn independently how to manage
thier
Correct your spelling
their
allowance. The main reason parents
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Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas by including more detailed examples and reasoning. The essay begins to address why monetizing academic accomplishments is positive, but does not fully explore or conclude these thoughts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure you write a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay needs a more defined conclusion where you reiterate your main points and conclusion clearly. Also, consider starting your essay with a more engaging introduction.
Language Use
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'weakly money' instead of 'weekly money', 'greads' instead of 'grades', and 'thier' instead of 'their'. These mistakes can distract from your overall message.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Currently, your essay lacks clear paragraphing which makes it difficult for the reader to differentiate between the introduction, body, and conclusion of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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