IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people prefer to live in hot climates. Whereas others love the lifestyles in countries with cold climate. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #climates #love #lifestyles #countries #climate
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The opinion is divided on whether it is better to live in
hot
Add an article
a hot
show examples
 climate or not.
Although
, a number
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 suggest
otherwise
,
however
, I believe that living in the warmer regions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 greater benefits.
This
 essay will discuss both views in detail followed by a reasoned conclusion
thereafter
.
Firstly
, preferences for hot
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 could be tied to the enjoyment of outdoor activities,
such
 as swimming, beach activities and sunbathing.
For instance
, it is popular to try surfing in the summer,
while
 it won't bring that many consequences,
such
 as catching
cold
Change the article
a cold
show examples
.
However
, you still need to be careful not to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sunstroke or sunburn.
On the other hand
, colder
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 promote more cosy activities, particularly, reading books and baking. Even so,
this
 slow pace of life isn't working out great for everyone.
Moreover
, in warmer atmospheric conditions we hardly ever get flu, as the vitamins we have access
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
 warmer periods fulfil our organism and help to build a stronger immune system. Not only the fruits and vegetables
are giving
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
such
 an effect but
also
 the fact that we tend to spend more time in the fresh air and getting sunlight.
While
 in colder periods it turns
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 some kind of epidemic, as our body starts running out of minerals and
nutriments
Correct your spelling
nutrients
show examples
.
Besides
, it
also
 gives us a vague mood, which affects our concentration.
Finally
, I can conclude that I can totally understand why everybody has their own preferences, as
Change preposition
to wether
show examples
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 conditions majorly affect our lifestyle and daily routine.
Therefore
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 totally up to you to decide which one fits you prefer.
Submitted by varvara.osipova.2007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task and does so in a balanced manner. For instance, when discussing both views, provide equal attention and depth of analysis to each perspective before stating your own view clearly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on the organization of ideas in paragraphs and across the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them. Aim for a clear progression of ideas, linking paragraphs smoothly to create a coherent argument.
coherence cohesion
When supporting main points, incorporate a wider variety of specific examples and evidence. This will add depth to your analysis, making your arguments more persuasive. Refer to studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes where relevant to bolster the claims made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperate
  • scorching
  • bustling
  • rejuvenate
  • serenity
  • thriving
  • frigid
  • exhilarating
  • hibernation
  • invigorating
What to do next:
Look at other essays: