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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the nowadays dynamic
job
Use synonyms
 market, it is getting more common for people to relocate to a new place in order to secure employment, which results in the separation from their loved ones.
While
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 many think that
this
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 trend costs individuals emotionally and financially, I believe that the advantage of potential earnings and better
job
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 opportunities could overshadow the difficulties.
Although
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 moving to a new area to start a new career may sound intriguing at
first,
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one must consider the underlying disadvantages.
Firstly
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, in order to pursue a well-earned career, individuals would be forced to put aside their current relationships with friends, families, and even their spouses, leading to feelings of home-sickness, isolation, and loneliness.
Secondly
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, the costs associated with moving,
such
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 as the relocation expenses and the high cost of living in some particular areas, can be unbearable.
For example
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, the living standard in large cosmopolitans around the world is substantially greater than that of small towns or villages, which is somewhat challenging for those who want to seek a profession in big cities.
However
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, the aforementioned ideas did not mean that
Use synonyms
job-seekers’
Correct your spelling
job-seekers
jobseekers
 efforts
of moving
Change preposition
to move
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 to other places are futile but rather rewarding. Professionally, relocation often opens up a realm of opportunities to more diverse and higher-quality
job
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 prospects that are usually not available in one’s hometown. As a demonstration, many graduated students in Vietnam choose more tech-centric cities like Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
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 or Hanoi where their career trajectory is dramatically accelerated in the technology field, offering innovative projects and networks that are crucial for growth. Personally, working in
such
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
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 can cultivate resilience,
adaptability
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and adaptability
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 and gain a broader perspective on life. Living in a diverse setting enriches one’s understanding and appreciation of different ways of life, fostering a more inclusive and adaptable worldview. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the financial and mental costs of relocating for work are significant, I firmly believe that the positive aspects,
such
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 as the abundance of
job
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 possibilities and personal growth totally outweighed the downsides.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in articulating your argument efficiently. To further enhance coherence, consider varying your transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs. This would enrich the flow of your essay and help maintain reader interest.
Task Response
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, effectively discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. However, incorporating more specific examples to support each point could bolster your argument and make it more convincing. Try to include personal anecdotes or cited studies to enhance the relevance of your examples.
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