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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children find learning history at school very exciting but many others think it is boring. In what ways can history be brought to life for all school children?

#children #history #school #life
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Currently, the topic of studying
history
 is something which bears some consideration.
While
 there are
students
 who think that learning
history
 is very interesting, others suppose that
history
 is really boring. I believe that
history
 brings more benefits to
students
such
 as avoiding future wars and maintaining the culture of their
countries
. The most advantageous factor is that studying
history
 allows people to avoid conflicts and wars in the future.
This
 is because the past can provide explanations for some situations
such
 as economic crises, monetary inflation or wars between
countries
.
As a result
, having in-depth knowledge about historical events will help people avoid repeating mistakes
as well as
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 able to find many new solutions for problems that have occurred in the past. Another point that should be considered is learning
history
 can help
students
 have access to culture, arts and the process of forming their
countries
.
This
 may lead to children
as well as
students
will have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 enormous knowledge about the past of their nations,
thus
, they will attempt to maintain the tradition in order to expand the historical diversity, which means that it will attract a lot of foreign tourists
as well as
 abroad investment and develop their economy.
Therefore
, learning
history
 at school is more beneficial for children
due to
 the avoidance of conflicts and preserve culture in their
countries
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Support and Examples
Introduce more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the arguments. The essay would benefit from concrete historical events that exemplify how learning history can prevent future conflicts and promote cultural preservation.
Introduction Clarity
Expand the introduction to more clearly state the essay's stance and outline the points that will be discussed. This helps in setting a clear foundation for the reader.
Task Response
Incorporate a balance of opinions or perspectives to fully address the topic. Discuss how history can be made more engaging for students who find it boring, addressing the essay prompt more directly.
Logical Structure and Cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas by ensuring each body paragraph focuses on a single main point. Use cohesive devices effectively to link sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow.
Conclusive Summary
Consider using a concluding paragraph that not only summarizes the key points but also offers a final reflection or a call to action regarding the importance of making history engaging for all students.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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