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Band 1.5

Now a days, Many People have to work longer hours, and then feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons for stress at the workplace? What can employer do to make their employee's life easier?

#people #work #hours #stress #workplace #employer #employee #life
Working every day for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time can
conduct
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 people to be
over stressed
Add a hyphen
over-stressed
show examples
. After ten hours spent in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 or in the shop is natural for
bodies
Fix the agreement mistake
the body to
show examples
 feel tired. When
ones
Replace the word
one
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 in
this
 emotive condition
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
afraid
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
do
Verb problem
making
show examples
 mistakes
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 them stressed. Nowadays everything has to be done quickly, and often we can not take
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
breaks. Smart employers began to think about the mental status of their workers, and they
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 new methods to meet the needs of their
employee's
Change noun form
employees
show examples
. New timetable of work, new
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 spaces, and not less
important
Change the word
importantly
show examples
, the possibility for the new mothers to take with them baby's and leave them in specific protected spaces.
This
 is a huge economic effort for
employer's
Change noun form
employers
show examples
, but I think
that is
 the right way to follow for the happiness of their workers.
Submitted by Ste on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion more distinctly to guide readers through your essay. An introduction should set up the topic and your viewpoint clearly, while the conclusion should succinctly wrap up your arguments and state your final stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs, each devoted to a specific point or argument. Begin paragraphs with a topic sentence that states the point clearly, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on or prove the point.
Task Achievement
Increase your response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. While you've touched on both reasons for workplace stress and employer solutions, each section could be further developed with more detailed explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and provide concrete evidence for your points. Specific examples make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by precisely defining your arguments and using transitions to link your ideas and paragraphs seamlessly. This will help make your essay more cohesive and understandable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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