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Band 5

You are having a graduation party next Saturday night. You have invited 50 people to celebrate at an outdoor barbecue evening, which may continue till late night.Write a letter to your elderly neighbour. In your letter: explain what will be happening offer your apologies in advance invite him/her to visit your house someday

#graduation #party #saturday #night #people #barbecue #neighbour #offer #apologies #advance #visit #house
Dear Mr. Smith, I hope
this
 letter finds you in a radiant of health and great spirits. I am writing his letter to inform you that I will throw a party for my graduation which will held
on
Change preposition
apply
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next Saturday. I have invited 50 people
included
Change the form of the verb
including
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 my family members and friends who are super excited and ecstatic for my amazing performance in my studies . I arranged everything like food , drinks
as well as
DJ
Correct article usage
a DJ
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moreover
,
this
 night
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
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 noisy
due to
 the loud music and I want to
apologies
Replace the word
apologise
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 in advance because you will face inconvenience . I did a lot of hard work to achieve an excellent grade
hence
,
this
 party is a reward
Change preposition
for
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to
Change preposition
for
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 my sleepless nights
thus
 , it will act as a stress buster for me . I want you to invite
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 my place whenever you have time you can come
this
 way , I can share my experiences with you which allow us to make our bond strong. Once again accept my sincere apologies and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jai
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear, central idea, focusing on explaining the event, the reason for the inconvenience, and the invitation separately for enhanced clarity.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide more detailed information about the event such as the start time or any specific activities planned, which would enhance the completeness of your response.
General Advice
Minor grammatical and punctuation errors can impact the readability of your letter. Consider proofreading to identify and correct these issues.
Task Achievement
Including a specific invitation time for your neighbor and conveying gratitude for their understanding could add a personal touch and improve the tone of your letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and make your letter easier to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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