IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people consider that working in the
police
Use synonyms
 force is an unsuitable occupation for
women
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 only men are able to handle all the difficulties of
this
Linking Words
 job. In my opinion. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view as
women
Use synonyms
undobtedly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 play important roles in
this
Linking Words
 field.
Firstly
Linking Words
, female
police
Use synonyms
 officers are irreplaceable parts of the professional crew working with
children
Use synonyms
 who have been the
victims
Use synonyms
 of physical or sexual abuse because
women
Use synonyms
 are usually more tactful and compassionate. Specialists with these qualities will be more effective in collecting evidence from
children
Use synonyms
, owing to the latter ones feeling safe and relaxed with
policewomen
Use synonyms
, so it will let them describe their troubles more freely.
Also
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,
this
Linking Words
 special approach prevents
children
Use synonyms
 from being retraumatized after the rude talk with an unprepared
police
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 officer. In Russia,
for instance
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, large
police
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 offices have on staff
policewomen
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 with skills in
children
Use synonyms
's psychology for better communication with young
victims
Use synonyms
 of
crime
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, at the beginning of solving a
crime
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,
policewomen
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 should be the first who work with female
victims
Use synonyms
 of domestic violence and sexual harassment. At that moment, after having a traumatic experience,
women
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 are extremely vulnerable ,
hence
Linking Words
 any communication with a man can be a cause of additional stress, and it will make the emotional condition of a victim worse.
Moreover
Linking Words
, female
victims
Use synonyms
 can feel embarrassed talking with a policeman about some intimate details of a
crime
Use synonyms
 , which can be vital for a successful investigation.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, the important role of
policewomen
Use synonyms
 in
crime
Use synonyms
-solving can be hardly underestimated.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that
women
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 in the
police
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 force make a significant contribution to the fight against
crime
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 and society must appreciate it.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with specific examples or detailed explanations. It appears that your essay does this well, especially with the specific role of policewomen in handling cases involving children and female victims.
task achievement
For even greater clarity and impact, you could further elaborate on your examples by including more details or statistics where possible. This strengthens your argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas. You've done a good job of this, but aiming for even greater variety and precision in linking can enhance the flow of your essay further.
general
Check for minor grammatical errors and typos before finalizing your essay. Although your grammar is generally good, polishing your language will make your arguments even more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
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