IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Many
museums
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 sell
taxes
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 to enter the museum
while
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 others do not sell any tax end it lets
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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enter for free. There are many advantages and disadvantages of selling
taxes
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 to
people
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 for admission to
museums
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.
This
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 essay will discuss my opinion and both sides of
this
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 issue. On the one hand, there are many types of
museums
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such
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 as traditional historical and natural but famous types of all types can get investment from the government and others cannot get enough investment as much as famous
museums
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.
Thus
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, there is no way except to
charge
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 for admission to supply their projects. , they can earn money from the charges ,and they can do development which can be the best way to free
people
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's attention because monotony makes
people
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 bored.
For example
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, some
people
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 recognize the surroundings rather than museum exhibits. In my opinion, if
taxes
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 are not expensive,
people
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 pay for it and enjoy it.
On the other hand
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 , some
people
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 who want these places must not have the
charge
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, in case , a group of men argued with the museum guards and caused a riot because of the
charge
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 for admission. In my opinion, there are many
people
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 like
this
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 group of men and the
charge
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 can decrease the number of
people
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 who visit
museums
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 .
In addition
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, some children like visiting galleries cannot pay the cost of
charge
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 and it can make them sad.
To conclude
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, I think that
museums
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 should monitor the cost of
taxes
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. They can earn certain money from
this
Linking Words
 and they do development because they need to satisfy the paying
people
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.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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task response
Your essay does not fully address all parts of the task. Consider addressing the advantages and disadvantages more directly and offering a clearer personal opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction stating your opinion and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments. Consider including these elements to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Increase your use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help to create a more coherent argument and make your essay easier to follow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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