Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Many
museums
sell
taxes
to enter the museum
while
others do not sell any tax end it lets
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
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enter for free. There are many advantages and disadvantages of selling
taxes
to
people
for admission to
museums
.
This
essay will discuss my opinion and both sides of
this
issue. On the one hand, there are many types of
museums
such
as traditional historical and natural but famous types of all types can get investment from the government and others cannot get enough investment as much as famous
museums
.
Thus
, there is no way except to
charge
for admission to supply their projects. , they can earn money from the charges ,and they can do development which can be the best way to free
people
's attention because monotony makes
people
bored.
For example
, some
people
recognize the surroundings rather than museum exhibits. In my opinion, if
taxes
are not expensive,
people
pay for it and enjoy it.
On the other hand
, some
people
who want these places must not have the
charge
, in case , a group of men argued with the museum guards and caused a riot because of the
charge
for admission. In my opinion, there are many
people
like
this
group of men and the
charge
can decrease the number of
people
who visit
museums
.
In addition
, some children like visiting galleries cannot pay the cost of
charge
and it can make them sad.
To conclude
, I think that
museums
should monitor the cost of
taxes
. They can earn certain money from
this
and they do development because they need to satisfy the paying
people
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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task response
Your essay does not fully address all parts of the task. Consider addressing the advantages and disadvantages more directly and offering a clearer personal opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction stating your opinion and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments. Consider including these elements to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Increase your use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help to create a more coherent argument and make your essay easier to follow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the task.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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