IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that the government should invest more in scientific research to solve problems such as climate change and disease prevention. Others believe that funding should be allocated to more immediate concerns such as healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #research #climate #change #disease #prevention #concerns #healthcare #education
There is an argument whether the public research fund should solely
invested
Wrong verb form
invest
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on
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in
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 scientific studies related to some specific issues,
such
 as global warming, or diversify into other fields. I personally believe that the government should equally fund all
of
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apply
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potentially useful
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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.
This
 essay will cover the supporting reasons
on
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for
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 both views.
To begin
with
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with,
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 the
equally
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equal
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 funding side, as the government responsible for every
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
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Correct pronoun usage
that emerged
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emerged
Wrong verb form
emerges
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, they should give financial support to all topics
that
is
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are
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 involved
in
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apply
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
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 interest.
For example
, Thailand is facing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 downward trend in students' competency
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other countries in southeast
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
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. they should have
invest
Change the verb form
invested
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 more
money
 into
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 the quality of teaching nationwide, rather than
put
Wrong verb form
putting
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 the effort only into the new discoveries in STEM-related subjects.
Therefore
, the public sector fund should be granted on various research topics.
On the other hand
, in order to
solving
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solve
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 some specific problems like climate change, it is required a large sum of
money
 to find solutions,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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of
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apply
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more
sustanable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 technologies, or more environmental-friendly chemical substances for
Correct article usage
the repalcement
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repalcement
Correct your spelling
replacement
 of plastics.
For instance
, there is a new discovery of a type of worm that can devour plastic, so it
need
Change the verb form
needs
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money
 to
further
 study the characteristics of
this
 worm completely.
However
, the test could take a few years to be done, so it can be funded on a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 plan with
smaller
Add an article
a smaller
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 amount
in
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apply
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each year. The remaining
money
 can go to other important subjects. In conclusion, the public financial subsidisary should dispersely spent on all current public concerns, as every
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society has an impact
in
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on
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 people's quality of life.
Thus
, it should not focus on some particular concerns,
while
 the other issues are left behind.
Submitted by pimpisut.sata on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, make sure to have a clear and distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion should briefly introduce and summarize the topic and your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
Within each paragraph, ensure you have a clear main idea followed by supporting details. Transition smoothly between ideas and paragraphs to enhance readability and understanding.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you directly answer the prompt in your introduction and conclusion. Express your opinion unambiguously and make sure it's consistent throughout the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, real-world examples to support your ideas. This will help illustrate your points more effectively and make your essay more persuasive.
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