IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
 era, social
media
Use synonyms
 is a place
that
Correct word choice
where
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people
Use synonyms
 can make friends with others or gain new
information
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes the benefits of the relationship and the convenience
in
Change preposition
of
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 earning the knowledge outweigh the addiction. The most advantageous factor of
socail
Correct your spelling
social
media
Use synonyms
 is that individuals can make new friends. It is considered that they are chatting with others or calling
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
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 with their families from a distance, and that can help them to connect with
.
Correct quantifier usage
others.
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As a result
Linking Words
, citizens have new relationships which
is
Change the verb form
are
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sutable
Correct your spelling
suitable
 for their characters.
For instance
Linking Words
, Tinder is an app that can find a new person all over the world to make a friend by chatting.
Thus
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 can help
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 improve the relationships around themselves. The other
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 can access
information
Use synonyms
 briskly. They can
easy for updating
Replace the word
easily update
show examples
 new things on some pages
in
Change preposition
on
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 the Internet or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 videos
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can save their time in finding
information
Use synonyms
 by mobile phones or laptops. The true example is that
people
Use synonyms
 use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 for reading news or books when they go out.
Hence
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 is a fabulous invention for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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 saving time
for
Change preposition
in for
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 searching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
addicting
Correct article usage
an addicting
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 phone is a serious problem in the world nowadays. The mobile phone has a lot of social
media
Use synonyms
 for
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 which can make teenagers spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 cannot leave
the
Change the word
their
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them is
decline
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, almost
students
Correct determiner usage
all students
show examples
 in school use smartphones during their lessons for playing games. In conclusion, The possible impact of teenagers being addicted is outweighed by the new relationships and the convenience of searching data.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should use social
media
Use synonyms
 to gain
a new knowledge
Remove the article
new knowledge
a piece of new knowledge
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay is logically structured, with clear and logical transitions between paragraphs. Consider creating an outline before you begin writing to help organize your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, clearly state your viewpoint and summarize the main arguments. The conclusion should distinctly mirror the introduction, restating the thesis and main points.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your essay, develop your main points with more detailed explanations and a greater number of precise examples. This helps to build a more convincing argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should not only present a clear position throughout the response but also support this position with relevant, detailed examples.
task achievement
Avoid generic statements. Try to provide clear, comprehensive ideas and examples that specifically relate to the topic. Your arguments will be more compelling if they are well explained and specific.
task achievement
Improve your use of specific examples to support your arguments. Citing more specific and diverse examples can make your essay more interesting and persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
What to do next:
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