Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s digital era, a
mass
Correct your spelling
large
show examples
number of
people
globally
exposure
Verb problem
are exposed
show examples
to social
media
on a daily basis in order to stay in contact with their acquaintances and
updating
Wrong verb form
update
show examples
news. In
this
essay, the writer believes that staying online can benefit
people
strengthening
Change preposition
by strengthening
show examples
their bond with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
avoid being isolated
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
automated
world
, which
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
of the excessive
use
of social
media
. It must be acknowledged that the current technological advances enhance the function of social
media
in which
users
can keep contact with their acquaintances. Specifically,
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
platform
is a
platform
for
people
around the
world
can interact globally in a complete cyber
world
, where most
users
utilize it for a plethora of purposes, especially communication. With the advances of social
media
nowadays, it is reasonably easier for
people
to have
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others in distances, supervising their bond to be strengthened. Take Facebook as a prime example,
this
platform
has updated various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
through mobile phones
such
as video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
or text messaging,
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the majority of the public has been a part of
this
digital site.
Nevertheless
, many assume that with a wide range of entertainment on social
media
,
people
can easily become immersed in
this
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
virtual
world
. The fact that social networking not only contains
function
Add an article
the function
a function
show examples
of communication or updating news,
most
Correct word choice
but most
show examples
public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
likely to
use
it for amusement purposes, which is the main factor leading to excessive
use
of
this
platform
.
This
point may
true
Add a missing verb
be true
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
extent;
however
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using social networking websites for a
reason
Replace the word
reasonable
show examples
amount of time and
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
for
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
purposes can still positively support
users
.
Hence
, using social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
correctly can avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant exposure to social
media
. Prior to the author’s experience, it is undeniable that entering the virtual
world
can avoid being isolated
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
world
’s daily
announcement
Fix the agreement mistake
announcements
show examples
. It is comprehensible that the pace of updating information around the
world
is rapidly over
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, by means
users
can
use
this
aspect of social
media
to stay connected with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society without being secluded.
For example
, online reports
such
as Vnexpress, Kenh14 or BBC, are the programs that update daily news extremely precise and
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
, where public from around the public
use
these for daily updates. In conclusion, the excessive
use
of social
media
can be outweighed by the advantages of strengthening
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
and
avert
Wrong verb form
averting
show examples
being isolated
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Hence
,
this
essay has provided evidence to clarify the given opinion.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to more clearly present your main ideas in the introduction and conclusion, as they serve as the framework of your essay. The introduction should more explicitly state the advantages and disadvantages, while the conclusion should summarize your stance and reasoning succinctly.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help in justifying your points and making the essay more persuasive and informative.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical flow throughout your essay. Use transition words and phrases to lead the reader through your points smoothly and cohesively. Ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next enhances the readability and effectiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for any potential grammatical errors and areas where the language could be made more precise or formal. A more accurate and formal use of language will contribute positively to the overall impact of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: