IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
The legality of rejecting
job
 applicants based on their
age
 varies from country to country. In some places, laws prohibit to make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination
 in
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 practices in order to make a fair and equal enough in the working
environemnet
Correct your spelling
environment
. The performance of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 in many cases cannot simply be quantified in terms of
age
. I argue that hiring people based solely on their
age
 is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of
discrimination
 against older individuals who have relevant skills and experience to actively contribute to the workforce. I strongly believe that
this
 phenomenon led to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adverse effects
such
 as the lack of advanced-skill
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discrimination
 of
age
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 lack of
job
 training
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worker’s skill advancement, even
this
 can get
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsened
show examples
 by the
rapidly
Change the adverb
rapid
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 joblessness which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
further
impacting
Change the verb form
impact
be impacting
show examples
 the balanced-life for every individual who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
strunggling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 with
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 the rise of the number of
underpriviledge
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
 in the country. Another than that, when companies hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
 applicants without
age
discrimination
 can help to prevent
age
 prejudice or
discrimination
 that being a major concern for social justice that
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 line with the value of
no-one
Correct your spelling
no one
show examples
 left behind of the Sustainable Development Goals.
This
 issue is a drawback for the rapidly developing country’s betterment.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people should not face any rejection
due to
 their
age
 without considering many
apllicable
Correct your spelling
applicable
 skills that can highly contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the field they are capable of as a great demand of workplace success.
To sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 stand firmly with the positive impact of recruiting people regardless of their
age
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement directly and concisely. A rephrased summary and a clear stance in the conclusion can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your main points by including more concrete examples and data to support your arguments. This can add depth to your essay and better demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a single idea. Use transition words to smoothly connect these ideas and maintain logical flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the relationship between sentences and paragraphs, making your essay more coherent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: