IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

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The legality of rejecting
job
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 applicants based on their
age
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 varies from country to country. In some places, laws prohibit to make
a
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apply
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discrimination
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 in
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 practices in order to make a fair and equal enough in the working
environemnet
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environment
. The performance of
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 in many cases cannot simply be quantified in terms of
age
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. I argue that hiring people based solely on their
age
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 is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
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 of
discrimination
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 against older individuals who have relevant skills and experience to actively contribute to the workforce. I strongly believe that
this
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 phenomenon led to
the
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apply
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adverse effects
such
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 as the lack of advanced-skill
labors
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labours
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due to
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the
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apply
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discrimination
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 of
age
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,
the
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and the
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 lack of
job
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 training
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 for
the
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apply
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worker’s skill advancement, even
this
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 can get
worsen
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worsened
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 by the
rapidly
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rapid
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 increase
of
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in
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 joblessness which
it
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apply
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will
further
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impacting
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impact
be impacting
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 the balanced-life for every individual who
are
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is
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strunggling
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struggling
 with
unemployement
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unemployment
,
for
Linking Words
instance
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instance,
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 the rise of the number of
underpriviledge
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underprivileged
family
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families
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 in the country. Another than that, when companies hire
the
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apply
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job
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 applicants without
age
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discrimination
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 can help to prevent
age
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 prejudice or
discrimination
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 that being a major concern for social justice that
in
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is in
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 line with the value of
no-one
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no one
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 left behind of the Sustainable Development Goals.
This
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 issue is a drawback for the rapidly developing country’s betterment.
Hence
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,
the
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apply
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people should not face any rejection
due to
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 their
age
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 without considering many
apllicable
Correct your spelling
applicable
 skills that can highly contribute
in
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to
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 the field they are capable of as a great demand of workplace success.
To sum up
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,
i
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I
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 stand firmly with the positive impact of recruiting people regardless of their
age
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.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement directly and concisely. A rephrased summary and a clear stance in the conclusion can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your main points by including more concrete examples and data to support your arguments. This can add depth to your essay and better demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a single idea. Use transition words to smoothly connect these ideas and maintain logical flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the relationship between sentences and paragraphs, making your essay more coherent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
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