IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
#people #usa #food #restaurants
The Diagram illustrates,How often the
citizens
 of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 go to Restaurants
for eaten
Change preposition
to eat
show examples
 fast
food
 from the year 2003 to 2013.
Overall
,
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 us that,the
mostly
Rephrase
majority of
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 of
this
 country
eaten
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 fast
food
 Once a
Week
along with
 the
citizens
 who prefer Once or twice a month.
Firstly
,The
citizens
 who prefer meals as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 is the least population with
ratio
Add an article
a ratio
the ratio
show examples
 of just below 5 per
cent
 regardless of the years.
Along
with
Correct pronoun usage
with this
show examples
,
Individuals
Correct article usage
the Individuals
show examples
 who did not eat junk
food
 ratio is
also
 below 5 per
cent
 .
Secondly
, there is a number of public who want to
counsume
Correct your spelling
consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 few often in a
week
 and in 2006 these types of
citizens
 reached their high
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20%.
Moreover
,
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
 who eats junk
food
 just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 times in a calendar year is just below 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
Indviduals
Correct your spelling
Individuals
 who get fast
food
 once a
week
 and who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it once
show examples
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 or two times a month are almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. In 2013,
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
 who
eaten
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
food
 once or twice a month touched their high with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 ratio of almost 36 per
cent
 and in 2006 who
wants
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 junk
food
 once a
week
 touched their peak with the number of almost 35 per
cent
.
Submitted by mateentariq582 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words citizens, food, week, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: