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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#thousands #dollars #doctors #workers #seven #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart reveals information about
annual
Correct article usage
the annual
show examples
payment
Use synonyms
 comparison between
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other
workers
Use synonyms
 in seven nations in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the US was the
Also
Linking Words
, it is notable that France and
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 level of
payment
Use synonyms
 for
doctors
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Switzerland
Use synonyms
's
payment
Use synonyms
 for other
workers
Use synonyms
 was
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
greater.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 came four developed countries except Finland others had
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
 number of
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 for
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other
workers
Use synonyms
. Starting with the US
doctors
Use synonyms
'
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 consisted sharply
120
Change preposition
of 120
show examples
 thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
US dollars,
while
Linking Words
 other
Use synonyms
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
 was three times less than
doctors
Use synonyms
 about 40 thousand dollars.
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
workers
Change noun form
worker's
workers'
show examples
 gain was less come zero, was the greatest
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 countries in 2004. As for
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 and France
doctors
Use synonyms
' and will
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 amounted
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 70,000 dollars, and annual pay for other
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 illustrated $10,000 more than in France. As regards, Italy,
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
show examples
 Republic and Germany annual pay for other
workers
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 at the same level and the
Use synonyms
doctors
Change to a genitive case
doctor's
doctors'
show examples
payment
Use synonyms
 had little difference. The Czech Republic and Germany accounted
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 above $60,000,
while
Linking Words
 Italy had a sharp one.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Finland's annual pay was the lowest
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 $50,000,
however
Linking Words
, the other
Use synonyms
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 gain was the highest
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
abovemention
Correct your spelling
abovementioned
above mention
 countries.
Submitted by kamroncpb on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words payment, doctors, workers, switzerland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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