In most successful companies, some people think that communication between employers and workers is the most important factor, other people say that other factors are more important.

In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
era, the conflict between
employees
and bosses has
been occurred
Change to the active voice
occurred
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
and everywhere but there still
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
companies which have solutions for
this
phenomenon, and they usually are
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
This
has sparked a controversial argument about whether
communication
plays a pivotal role or not. Some people argue that interaction does but, in my opinion, there are several
importance
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important
show examples
factors
helping
a
Change the article
an
show examples
organization
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more successful. On the one hand, it is undeniable the crucial role of
communication
. First and foremost,
this
skill can strengthen the relationship between
employees
and their superiors.
For example
, in a conversation between two people:
underling
Correct article usage
an underling
show examples
and
boss
Correct article usage
a boss
show examples
, if the worker can impress his
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
, he will be paid more attention than his colleagues and have more opportunities to obtain
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
postion
Correct your spelling
position
positions
in his company. If the employer can affect the worker through his
speak
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speech
show examples
, he can earn the worker’s loyalty.
Moreover
,
with
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apply
show examples
the
strengh
Correct your spelling
strength
of socializing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
has
impact
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an impact
show examples
on
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
For instance
, when there exists a dispute
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
employees
and their boss, it will create
unsuitable
Correct article usage
an unsuitable
show examples
working environment making everyone cannot pay attention to do their own
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Therefore
, in
this
situation, a
dicussion
Correct your spelling
discussion
must be created to solve
this
problem.
On the other hand
, even though
communication
is essential, it is not enough to make a company becoming successful because of missing some main
factors
.
To begin
with, benefits
such
as salary-wise,
career
Correct word choice
and career
show examples
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
are one of these
factors
.
For example
,
a
Correct word choice
if a
show examples
company offers a higher
salary-wise
Correct your spelling
salary
show examples
for talented
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
than others, they can have him working for them.
Moreove
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
environment is equally important. For illustration, when you work under
pressure
Correct article usage
a pressure
show examples
environment, you cannot pay
fully
Change the adverb
full
show examples
attention to your tasks or maybe you can finish your assignments, your health can decrease significantly, which leads to illness and diseases. In conclusion, in my point of view,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
successful companies need a plethora of
factors
such
as
communication
, benefits for
employees
and even more.
Submitted by dongocuyennhi1102001 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has an introduction that includes a clear thesis statement, making your stance on the issue obvious from the beginning. Your conclusion should restate your main points briefly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
It's beneficial to present both sides of the argument before clearly stating your opinion. This demonstrates your ability to discuss and evaluate different views, enhancing the completeness of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing your main points with more specific examples and explanations. This helps to support your arguments more effectively and makes your essay more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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