IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart indicates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
 and newly-opened shoos relatively in a specific country
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2011 and 2018.
Firstly
, as for the
number
 of
shop
 closures, a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 growth can be seen from the year of 2011 to 2014, rising to 6500 or so. The peak is shown in 2013
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to more than 7200. In 2014, the
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
closed
shops
 diminished evidently to nearly 700 and
then
 rose dramatically to almost 5200 in 2016. In the next two years, the figure for
shop
 closures remained a stable trend
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 5000.
In contrast
, the amount of
shop
 openings markedly decreases from the top 8500 to less than 4000.
Then
, the
number
 of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
newly opened
shops
grows
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 to 6100 in 2014 and
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 4000 again in 2015.
While
 during 2015 to 2017,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unchanged
number
 of around 4000
shop
 openings can be seen, but in 2018, the figure for newly-opened
shops
 slightly went down to 3000.
Overall
, the changing trends between the
number
 of
shop
 closures and openings from 2011 to 2018 demonstrate different variations, as the figure for closed
shops
 was usually bigger than the other in every year except in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011 and 2015.
Submitted by 1434110674 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, number, shop with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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