some people say that computer game are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is a common thought that

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

are not good for

children

Use synonyms

in every situation, but others

belief

Replace the word

believe

show examples

that

games

Use synonyms

can contribute to

children

Use synonyms

's development.

While

Linking Words

accepting the

fist

Correct your spelling

first

show examples

viewpoint is somewhat reasonable, I would contend that there are some

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

help

children

Use synonyms

facilitate. There are several

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

why some people propose that

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

affect

children

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, the key

rationable

Correct your spelling

rationale

show examples

behind

this

Linking Words

thought is that

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

can make

children

Use synonyms

addicted

with

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

Add an article

the game

show examples

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

This

Linking Words

is because

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

game

Use synonyms

too much make

children

Use synonyms

immerse

Wrong verb form

immersed

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

and can not stay calm when

don

Verb problem

they do

show examples

not have something to play.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, there are many

type

Change to a plural noun

types

show examples

games

Use synonyms

are

Correct pronoun usage

that are

show examples

unhealthy with

children

Use synonyms

and their

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

can not always look out

Use synonyms

children

Change preposition

for children

show examples

when they play.

As a result

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

can play unhealthy

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

and can be addicted to

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

. Despite the above argument,

Change the capitalization

show examples

firmly believe that

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

sometime

Fix the agreement mistake

sometimes

show examples

are good for

children

Use synonyms

. It must first be recognized that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

some

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

help

Correct pronoun usage

that help

show examples

Use synonyms

children's

Change noun form

children

show examples

nurture

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

This

Linking Words

is because

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

some

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

support

children

Use synonyms

study

Fix the infinitive

to study

show examples

language

Add an article

the language

show examples

game

Use synonyms

or there are some

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

support

childrent

Correct your spelling

children

develop

Fix the infinitive

to develop

show examples

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

This

Linking Words

argument is

further

Linking Words

strengthened by the fact that

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

like multiplayer

games

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

can help

childrent

Correct your spelling

children

learn about teamwork and communication skills as players collaborate to achieve

common

Add an article

a common

show examples

goal. In conclusion, when it is true to some extent that

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

are have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

some

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

children

Use synonyms

, I would maintain that there are several

positive

Fix the agreement mistake

positives

show examples

in play

Change preposition

to playing

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

vannhi.cloud.work

Mar 20, 2024

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task achievement

Introduce both sides of the argument more clearly in the introduction. This sets a solid foundation for your essay.

coherence & cohesion

To improve your score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support the main idea.

task achievement

To make your argument stronger, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Real-world examples or research findings would add depth to your essay.

coherence & cohesion

To enhance the logical structure, use transitional phrases more effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs together, guiding your reader through your argument.

task achievement

Address the counterargument more thoroughly. While you briefly mention the opposing view, expanding on this with more detail would strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
sedentary behavior
obesity
hinder
cognitive skills
problem-solving
decision-making
spatial awareness
engaging learning environment
motivates
foster
teamwork
collaborate
mitigating potential risks
parental guidance
physically interactive

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These days people are living into their 90’s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

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It is often argued that it is crucial for individuals to be tidy in their workplace and house, and everything should be organized in these places. I think it is a correct belief, and I advocate this opinion. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view.

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