9.Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is common knowledge that
university
Use synonyms
students
are becoming busier than ever. Some people think that despite Use synonyms
this
, Linking Words
students
should participate in other Use synonyms
activities
aside from only studying. I strongly agree with Use synonyms
this
statement.
Linking Words
However
, I do understand why Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
students
should spend time studying. Use synonyms
Firstly
, working part-time jobs or participating in extracurricular Linking Words
activities
can distract them from their studies. These Use synonyms
activities
sound more attractive than studying because there are rewards for them, Use synonyms
such
as money, connections, or friends. Linking Words
As a result
, there have been cases where Linking Words
students
eventually fail classes because of these Use synonyms
activities
. Another reason is that universities often promote team orientation by encouraging collective efforts. If Use synonyms
students
allocate too much time to peripheral Use synonyms
activities
, they Use synonyms
would
barely have time to squeeze a group meeting into their schedule, resulting in project failure.
Despite these challenges, I still think Wrong verb form
will
university
Use synonyms
students
should engage in other Use synonyms
activities
rather than just studying. As Use synonyms
university
Use synonyms
students
, they are becoming young professionals, so working either part-time jobs or internships means preparation for the workplace. Working Use synonyms
also
provides them Linking Words
financial
independence from their family, which lessens their burden. Change preposition
with financial
Moreover
, by participating in extracurricular Linking Words
activities
, Use synonyms
students
can have a better understanding of what is going on in society. Use synonyms
For example
, many universities have debate clubs that discuss both international and domestic socio-political issues. Linking Words
Students
can gain crucial insights into society through these.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
I understand that many Linking Words
students
cannot afford to participate in other Use synonyms
activities
aside from studying, I strongly believe that participation in extracurricular Use synonyms
activities
or working is essential for their personal development.Use synonyms
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Task Achievement
Be sure to delve deeper into the prompt by exploring more nuanced angles of the argument. Your stance is clear but could benefit from a broader range of examples and deeper analysis.
Task Achievement
Your essay would improve with a stronger introduction that presents your main points more explicitly. Use the introduction to outline the key arguments you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow. Cohesion can be enhanced by more effectively grouping related ideas together in paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a summary of your main points in the conclusion for a more powerful closing. This revisits your argument and strengthens the essay's overall structure.