9.Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is common knowledge that
university
students
are becoming busier than ever. Some people think that despite this
, students
should participate in other activities
aside from only studying. I strongly agree with this
statement.
However
, I do understand why university
students
should spend time studying. Firstly
, working part-time jobs or participating in extracurricular activities
can distract them from their studies. These activities
sound more attractive than studying because there are rewards for them, such
as money, connections, or friends. As a result
, there have been cases where students
eventually fail classes because of these activities
. Another reason is that universities often promote team orientation by encouraging collective efforts. If students
allocate too much time to peripheral activities
, they would
barely have time to squeeze a group meeting into their schedule, resulting in project failure.
Despite these challenges, I still think Wrong verb form
will
university
students
should engage in other activities
rather than just studying. As university
students
, they are becoming young professionals, so working either part-time jobs or internships means preparation for the workplace. Working also
provides them financial
independence from their family, which lessens their burden. Change preposition
with financial
Moreover
, by participating in extracurricular activities
, students
can have a better understanding of what is going on in society. For example
, many universities have debate clubs that discuss both international and domestic socio-political issues. Students
can gain crucial insights into society through these.
In conclusion, although
I understand that many students
cannot afford to participate in other activities
aside from studying, I strongly believe that participation in extracurricular activities
or working is essential for their personal development.Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on
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Task Achievement
Be sure to delve deeper into the prompt by exploring more nuanced angles of the argument. Your stance is clear but could benefit from a broader range of examples and deeper analysis.
Task Achievement
Your essay would improve with a stronger introduction that presents your main points more explicitly. Use the introduction to outline the key arguments you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow. Cohesion can be enhanced by more effectively grouping related ideas together in paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a summary of your main points in the conclusion for a more powerful closing. This revisits your argument and strengthens the essay's overall structure.
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