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Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
Over the recent decades, there has been a debate from some
peoople
Correct your spelling
people
 that all aged
chileren
Correct your spelling
children
 should have more
responsibiltieis
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 at home or other places as members of their group to learn about social skills
such
 as cooperation with other peers and values
such
 as consideration, being honest, and sharing each other.
However
, others argue that
children
 should not be
on pressure
Change preposition
pressured
show examples
 from out of
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 to enjoy their
lives
 with happiness and fun time with their families. I would like to put emphasis on the latter
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 as it seems more reasonable to me. It cannot be deniable that young
children
 should learn and carry
resposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 in their
lives
 to be an appropriate member of their society and groups by helping their family at home or their friends at
school
. Since
children
 should
also
caltivate
Correct your spelling
cultivate
captivate
 their
capabilties
Correct your spelling
capabilities
 to contain the values that society
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 have
such
 as consideration, cooperation, loving, or sharing, it would be great opportunities for young pupils to learn about these by taking part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 or groups. To support
this
 point of view, there have been prevalent researches that
children
 who have
this abilities
Change the determiner
this ability
these abilities
show examples
 even though they are young can have positive relationships with other people including classmates and teachers.
This
 results in that it would be beneficial for
children
 to participate in family or class work with their own responsibilities.
However
, the aforementioned perspective can be considered
pluasible
Correct your spelling
plausible
, I largely agree with the other viewpoint standing against their view. The other people support that
children
 should have more fun time with their friends and families and practical moments to reflect what they learnt from
school
 into daily
lives
. To be more specific,
children
 would be able to learn and develop their senses and capabilities from
school
 within the accredited education curriculum from governments.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 compelling example would be that students will develop not only their academic abilities but
also
 social skills
such
 as following
school
 rules, and being punctual at
school
.
On the other hand
, taking
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 own responsibilities can bring excessive stress on
chileren
Correct your spelling
children
 as they do not know how to cope
with
Correct pronoun usage
with it
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 some individuals insist that
children
 should take
responsibiltieis
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 even at home to develop social capabilities, others assert that
children
 should have more practical time with their families after
school
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
naturally
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 the skills they
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 from
school
 into their
lives
 without extra stress.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be distinct and logically flow from one to the next. Considering using linking words to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes. This will help improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Specifically, watch out for typos and try to use a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with specific examples. While your essay provides general arguments, using concrete examples can make your points more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Strive to clearly address the task prompt. Ensure that your essay thoroughly discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear, well-supported opinion. This will help improve task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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