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Band 5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do ou think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #events #ou
In the modern decades, using high-tech devices like smartphones or computers in order to access the internet has become more and more popular. In my own opinion, the advantages which social
media
 brings to
people
 are playing an important role and can affect our lives in positive ways but there
also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 many limitations that need to be considered. The most advantageous factor of using social
media
 is that it could help keep in touch with other
people
 in globalization by the gadget which
access
Correct subject-verb agreement
accesses
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the internet.
On the other hand
, they are able to communicate with other
people
 who live far away from their locations that are playing an important role in bonding with their relatives.
For example
, the students who study abroad could keep in touch with their families and
this
 is the platform where
people
 can share their own ideas, and their points of view like Facebook, Instagram or Zalo, the most popular social networking software in Vietnam. Another point is that obtaining the
news
 to the state-of-the-art is one of the frequent works in human sociality. Based on the hundreds of research found on modern
people
, we seem to be likely to know and explore everything which is state-of-the-art and follow the trends
looks
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very
usually
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often
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. Another point of view that should be paid attention to is that in the flexible and hard-working world, we
seems
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seem
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 to add information
admidietly
Correct your spelling
admittedly
 to catch up with the worlds happening around us to find the best choice to handle the problem in case it happens.
For example
, there is a wide range of
news
 apps that conclude the
news
, and hot trends and are very easy to use like Tiktok
,
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 and Baomoi.
By contrast
, there are some problems that come from social
media
. It affects the children very badly if they don't have their parent's supervision.
Moreover
, the teenagers, who are facing it almost all the time, seems very easy to become addicted and affects their own lifestyles and health In conclusion, using technologies to access the internet or using social
media
 to keep in touch with other
people
 and get
news
 is very important and is an indispensable thing in
the
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modern life.
Although
 the benefits it brings are very useful and worthless, but
also
 very dangerous if we can't manage and use it in the right way.

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction clearly states your stance on the topic. While your opinion is noted, a stronger, more explicit thesis statement at the beginning would increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the structure of your essay by using clearer paragraph divisions. Each paragraph should aim to focus on a single main idea, with the first sentence introducing what that idea will be.
task achievement
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements about the advantages and disadvantages of social media, detailed examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct small grammatical errors and inconsistencies in your essay. Pay particular attention to article usage ('the internet', not 'internet') and verb tense consistency.
coherence cohesion
While concluding, try to summarize your points more clearly and restate your stance in a way that reflects upon the essay as a whole. This will make your conclusion more impactful and memorable.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with the repetition of ideas or phrases. Aim for more lexical variety to make your writing more engaging and to avoid redundancy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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