Many animal species are becoming extinct as a result off human activities . What are the causes and possible solutions to this problem?

The extinction of
animals
occurring around the world is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an inexorably increasing trend ,
however
,
this
is said to be the consequence of human
activities
. The writer of
this
essay claims that a lot of
species
are
being disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappearing
show examples
due to
deforestation
as well as
illegal hunting , yet it can be tackled by the government utilizing policies to ban these harmful
activities
. One of the core compelling causes applied to why
animals
are on the line of being extinct is how their living environment is being destroyed terribly . To put it simply , since the demands which come from human society are increasing in the recent era , it is obvious that more and more land has been cultivated in order to leave space for human
activities
which has led to
deforestation
.
Therefore
, no longer do the
animals
can continue living in these destroyed areas , leading to extinction in the future . Taking Amazon as a specific example , even though it is a huge forest which is a living place for a lot of
animals
, the statistics show that in recent years , there has been a significant decrease in the number of
animals
existing here as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result of
deforestation
. Another harmful cause related to the death of several
species
is illegal hunting . It must be recognised that
this
phenomenon has
been existing
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
for many decades which means
animals
especially rare ones are being hunted and captured by these hunters with the aim of trading them to gain profits .
Thus
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
animalanimals
Correct your spelling
animals
after being caught will soon die
then
as they will be killed by
people
in order to take some valuable segments or
this
species
can not adapt to the new environment .
Nevertheless
, the solution which effectively solves both mentioned causes can be found in government action by putting
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
to limit these
activitiesactivities
Correct your spelling
activities activities
.
That is
to say , the head of a nation can put rules in order to avoid
people
doing harmful
activities
to the
animals
or even their living environment .
As a result
, if
people
try to break these laws, they will be punished drastically .
This
approach will be beneficial as it does not only prevent
people
from harming the
animals
but
also
teaches the later generations about the consequences which they will take if they harm the
animals
In conclusion , the extinction of several
species
is the consequence of human
activities
including
deforestation
alongside illegal hunting ,
however
, both of these can be solved with the power of the government
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your essay's coherence and cohesion, focus on creating clearer transitions between your paragraphs and sentences. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas and ensure logical flow throughout your essay. This will enhance the reader’s ability to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Provide clearer and more detailed examples to support your ideas. Consider expanding on how government policies can specifically address the issues of deforestation and illegal hunting, and potentially include additional solutions for a more comprehensive response.
General Advice
For a more developed essay, consider exploring the implications of each cause more deeply and how they specifically lead to animal extinction. Additionally, providing real-world examples or statistics, where possible, can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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