Nowadays, employees do overtime and get more stressed than before. What a the reasons for this? What can employers do to make people's life easier? Explain your point of view with reasons and examples from your knowledge or experience.
Working overtime is currently becoming the new norm
than before
which has impacted a lot of stress , destroyed relationships Change preposition
apply
as well as
causing
serious Wrong verb form
caused
health
challenges . This
essay explains the reasons behind this
and how bosses can make worker's lives easier .
Firstly
, most people
are workaholics due to
the increased rate of inflation accompanied by high
cost of living . Correct article usage
a high
Therefore
people
are pushed to work
for longer hours in order to make more money , complete tasks in time
as well
as
take on other jobs so as to sustain themselves financially . By doing Correct word choice
and
this
, they don't get enough rest
which impacts a lot of stress on their health
. For
instance
majority of the Add a comma
instance,
people
in developing countries usually take on two or more jobs just to survive . This
barely leaves any room for rest
and spending time
with loved ones .
Additionally
, some individuals are ambitious by nature , they love to work
and get things done and can barely rest
until they achieve their goals . This
type of personality finds their identity in work
, they find working overtime fulfilling which is to their disadvantage because they are easily exploited in the capitalistic world .
However
, employees should have and follow the right work
policies which favor
human Change the spelling
favour
health
. People
are not machines , actually
machines do break down at some point as well . An individual should Add a comma
actually,
work
for a maximum of 8 hours a day so that they can have enough time
to rest
and also
discover themselves and their families . Many families are going through divorce because partners cannot spend enough time
together which also
affects the children with negligence and depression . Employers should also
encourage breaks between work
as well as
retreats and paid leave for their staff so that one can have a good work life
balance . When one's employees are happy and relaxed they're more motivated to Add a hyphen
work-life
work
which also
reflects on the company .
In conclusion , working over
Correct your spelling
overtime
time
is not beneficial to human health
. One can easily earn more money but eventually lose out on their health
due to
stress and other diseases that come with Correct your spelling
overworking
over working
tCorrect your spelling
overworking
Submitted by roshnijuneja19182 on
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Introduction & Conclusion Enhancement
While your essay introduces the topic and concludes adequately, you could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your main points. This could significantly improve the introduction and conclusion's effectiveness.
Logical Structure Improvement
Your logical structure is generally effective, but some paragraphs seem to lack clear topic sentences. Start each body paragraph with a concise topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea.
Example Specificity & Relevance
Your essay demonstrates good use of examples, but to elevate your score even further, ensure that these examples are specifically linked to the argument you are making in each paragraph. Add more specific examples or elaborate on the given ones to bolster your arguments.
Task Completion
For task achievement, ensure that you're fully answering all parts of the question. Your essay does address the given topic, but try to explore each part of the prompt in more depth. Provide a more balanced discussion on both reasons for overtime and employer actions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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