Write two paragraphs. Paragraph 1: Compare Shanghai and Los Angeles. • Don't try to describe every detail. Identify the most significant information. Paragraph 2: Say which of the five cities provides the best environment overall, and why. • Present the various factors in order of priority and try to describe them in your own words, rather than using the descriptions in the table.

#two #paragraphs #paragraph #shanghai #los #angeles #detail #information #five #cities #environment #factors #priority #descriptions

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Los Angeles and

Shanghai

Use synonyms

have a

little

Correct word choice

small

show examples

range of considerable differences. The population differs by 1 million people to the advantage of

Shanghai

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

the level of criminality is 5 times higher in Los Angeles.

However

Linking Words

, we can

also

Linking Words

admit a lot of similarities between these two cities. Basic service provision is about 100% in both places and levels of ambient noise

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

similar either. Undoubtedly, the

overall

Linking Words

condition of

environment

Add an article

the environment

show examples

isn’t satisfactory. We can see notable divergences in these cities and only 3 of them have relatively same status. London,

Shanghai

Use synonyms

and Tokyo aren’t highly polluted and have a reasonably good environment.

In contrast

Linking Words

, Los Angeles and Mexico City have extremely low indexes of air purity.

Also

Linking Words

, there are some problems with heavy traffic jams, especially in Tokyo. So, all of the cities have strengths and weaknesses in different areas,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

the most optimal variant which provides the best environment is

Shanghai

Use synonyms

Submitted by wegeeetz on Wed Mar 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to present your ideas in a more structured manner. Your introduction could more explicitly preview the main comparisons and contrasts you will discuss. Include topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

To improve your cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. Variations beyond 'however' can enrich your text, such as 'on the other hand', 'meanwhile', 'furthermore', etc.

task achievement

While your essay addresses the task, there's room to deepen your analysis. Consider not just stating facts, but also explaining the implications of these comparisons. Why does a higher population or higher criminality rate matter? Make your reasoning explicit.

task achievement

To refine your response, ensure your arguments are balanced by discussing both similarities and differences in detail, and explain why these points are significant. This will lend your essay a more comprehensive and nuanced perspective.

task achievement

When concluding, clearly summarize your findings before stating your final opinion. This can make your conclusion stronger and give your essay a sense of closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

153 words

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