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Writing Samples
Band 2

An increasing number of children are overweight, which could result in many problems when they grow older, both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healthcare #costs
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Presently, there is a rise in
children
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 who are obese, which derives from
alack
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a lack
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 of exercise and an unhealthy diet.
However
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,
this
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 can be tackled by teaching
children
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 about healthcare, including participating in more activity and having a balanced diet. It is
vitual
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vital
 to understand that the decrease in the number of
children
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 participating in exercise is
due to
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 distractions from technology. There is no
dout
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doubt
 that technological devices are addictive;
therefore
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,
children
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spand
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spend
 hours attached to them.
Consequently
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, they have little interest in physical activity, leading to obesity issues.
Therefore
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, it is easy to understand why
threr
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there
 is a risk of having health problems in the future. Having bad eating habits is another
essentisl
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essential
 element in
this
Linking Words
 case.
In other words
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, family members do not focus on the ingredients and calories in the food they give their
children
Use synonyms
, which means they are consuming an increasing amount of fatty or sugary food.
This
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, in turn, will take a toll on a child's health, including but not limited to cardiovascular,
psychologiacl
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psychological
, and, most
motably
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notably
, weight issues. Obesity is a young age is a complex
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structure
To enhance your essay, aim to have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction briefly mentioned the issue, but it would benefit from explicitly stating your main points. Incorporate a conclusion to summarize your arguments and reinforce your stance.
coherence
Improve coherence by making smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases like 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' and 'Finally' to clearly indicate the shift from one idea to the next.
task response
To achieve a higher task achievement score, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt by covering all parts of the question. Your conclusion was not included, leaving your argument incomplete.
evidence
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. Mentioning studies, statistics, or real-world examples can significantly enhance the relevance and impact of your points.
language
Watch out for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'alack' instead of 'a lack', 'spand' instead of 'spend', and 'threre' instead of 'there'. These detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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