Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes believed that
advertisements
' main aim were
Wrong verb form
is that
children
ought to be banned. This
essay strongly agrees with this
suggestion for several reasons.
The first reason behind my belief is that advertising has an aim
at Wrong verb form
aimed
children
can have some negative effects on the
mental health Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
is true because some company
tend to post toy Fix the agreement mistake
companies
advertisements
on websites or TV programmes and thus
can attract attention to it. As a result
, children
will require adults buy
for them and become irritable if they do not get what they Fix the infinitive
to buy
wants
, thereby forming a bad virtue. Change the verb form
want
This
can be seen in Vietnam many marketing campaigns of
toys are inserted into Change preposition
for
children
's programs. This
make
many parents have a headache because they must meet their child's needs.
Another point worth mentioning is that Change the verb form
makes
games
promotion Change the noun form
game
campaign
can lead to learning problems. The reason for Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
this
is that advertising is a way to entice customers and games
advertisements
can attract children
to buy them and large number of students are not keen on studying, instead
, they play games
all day. This
can result in the fact that spending much
time playing Rephrase
too much
games
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
children
do
not have enough time to study, thereby getting bad grades obviously. Countless Unnecessary verb
apply
real life
examples have shown that young people, especially teenagers, because of Add a hyphen
real-life
the
bad Correct article usage
apply
advertisements
, they play games
tend to be violent leading to inappropriate behavior
.
In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea of a ban being imposed on Change the spelling
behaviour
advertisements
, which have an aim to
Change preposition
for
children
given the aforementioned arguments.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on the topic, setting a concise tone for what follows. Your initial statement slightly lacks clarity. Consider restructuring for a stronger opening.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance coherence by better organizing your paragraphs. Begin each with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and a summarizing or concluding sentence. This structure facilitates the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, deepen the analysis of your examples. Rather than merely stating outcomes, explore the implications and reasons behind these outcomes. This approach demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and precision. This is especially valuable in your introduction and conclusion for creating a compelling argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This helps maintain logical progression throughout your essay. When introducing new ideas, make certain they clearly support your overall argument to improve cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.